"I'm not gonna believe that Obama is seriously angry at Putin or any of these other top Russian officials that we're sanctioning until Obama unfriends them on Facebook -- or at least until he announces he's not gonna do any more selfies with them. Then we'll know he's serious."
"Can you imagine you read the LA Times, you get up today, and you open the paper to this story, and the first thing you see is, "Rush Limbaugh is right"? How many days have been ruined out there?"
"I'm gonna jam it right to the Stick-to-the-Issues Crowd right here at the top, right off the top. Are you ready, Stick-to-the-Issues Crowd? We just found out last night that on the New York Times Best-Seller List of March the 30th, Rush Revere and the First Patriots will open at number one, and Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims moves up to number four. How about that, Stick-to-the-Issues Crowd?"
"The latest from CNN is that a black hole did it. One of their anchors actually posited that a black hole may have swallowed up the Malaysian airliner. They were serious. A black hole!"
"Can you imagine you read the LA Times, you get up today, and you open the paper to this story, and the first thing you see is, 'Rush Limbaugh is right'? How many days have been ruined out there?"
"Putin can do whatever he wants. He can take over Ukraine, annex Crimea, make a move on Estonia, and we'll make sanctions. But you have a president of a foreign country say bad things about homosexuals, and we're gonna send the secretary of state and experts over there to get your mind right."
"I'm not trying to embarrass Don Lemon. I really am not. But a black hole taking down that 777? Really? This is CNN! It used to be really hard to get jobs at these places. You really did have to be among the best at what you do."
"If I take the occasional detour and start finding things to laugh at and have fun with, don't think for a moment that I am not attuned to what is happening."
"I know the frustration that you all have. I have it, too. The reality is, we've got three more years of this, and we have apparently a political party not interested in push-back."
"I can hold up my model airplane here, too, and start talking about this. I could be an expert. I could take the tail fin off, and I could show you how the wings come off and what would happen if they did. Yeah, I could take the wings come off, aim it right down, and finally let it hit the water down there, the ocean. I'd say, "Kablooey! That's how we get the debris," and then I could be an expert."
"There are hundreds of White House spokesmen in the mainstream media. There are hundreds of future White House spokesmen in the mainstream media. The media contains future White House employees, future State Department employees, in spokesmen roles. You're all in the Democrat Party. You're all part of the left in this country."
"Are they gonna leave Michelle's mom in China as part of the exchange? I mean, who knows? You don't know."