"Have you heard that Jeb Bush is seriously now considering the Republican nomination because of Bridgegate? I just have one little question here. Why is the era of Reagan over but the era of Bush doesn't seem to ever be over?"
"I'm a stickler for the truth."
"Overnight they got something like five million people to sign up. They got their seven million. The media's so excited. It is a miracle and it has all happened against all odds."
"No, it's not an April Fool's joke. Seven million people, they got it, and you know why it happened? You know, Kathleen Sebelius says it was the Between Two Ferns appearance that did it."
"I think these enrollment numbers are about as real as the Regime's unemployment number, or their latest growth projections and the economy, meaning it's totally made up. It's made up. And just like those numbers, are the number of sign-ups. You wait."
"Once again, you and I find ourselves as the owners of truth when it comes to the status and the condition, if you will, of Obamacare. You and I own the truth. We know it's a disaster. The problem is that on television all day today they got their seven million sign-ups. It's hunky-dory."
"If you don't stand for anything, you're gonna be easily cowed."
"When did this country become majority stupid? When did they become dumbed down? I know, I know, I know. I used to be the guy that refused to agree with that premise."
"In a number of years, maybe a decade, a little longer, if nothing changes here, there isn't gonna be a private sector health insurance market except for the very few who are very wealthy. They will always be able to buy what they want. But you won't."
"The lone tactic that socialists have is to scare you. In every public opinion poll global warming is down at the bottom. So they're trying to scare people out of their pants, because that's all they've got."
"If the news about Obamacare being so great was accurate, Obama wouldn't be delaying the big parts of this until after the next two elections. If it's so wonderful, and if there's so much love for it, and if the support for Obamacare's growing left and right, why does the Regime have to keep delaying the full implementation?"
"CNN broke into its coverage of no news on the Malaysian airliner. They actually broke into that to report that the CEO of General Motors is going to apologize. That's big news when a CEO apologizes."
"Take any of the old deans of journalism from the old days. Imagine them saying, 'If we really want to cut down on global greenhouse emissions, we're going to have to do something about cow farts.' That's the conclusion of the study published today in National Journal on climate change."
"There are certain elements of pop culture I haven't visited. Food Network's one of them. Sorry, I'd rather eat it than watch it."
"The Obamacare number has been reached no matter how much they had to cook the books."