"The Miami Dolphins player Don Jones, who tweeted 'horrible' after the kiss on TV between Michael Sam and his boyfriend Vito, has been sent to sensitivity training. He was fined and suspended from all team activities until he completes educational training. He's going to reeducation camp for sensitivity training. This is creepy. This is just creepy stuff."
"The Children's Book Awards was just so well done and highly professional. The Children's Book Council is very serious about their charter, which is children's literacy. To win their award as Author of the Year is a very humbling thing because it's the readers -- kids -- who vote. Thank you all."
"Somebody needs to seriously examine Harry Reid. This man has got Koch brotheritis. I don't know what else you would call it. Dingy Harry has now suggested a constitutional amendment to limit the Koch brothers' influence. I mean, he's over the edge now on this."
"Two years ago the last thing I would have ever expected to have done would have been writing books aimed at children ages 10 to 13"
"The only difference in a reality show and any other TV show is that the writers for reality shows are not union. I've been on a reality show where there were five and six takes of an event. The closest you ever got to real reality TV was Candid Camera, where nobody knows the camera is there."
"'Warren Buffett's $1.2 Billion Lifetime Donations to the Pro-Choice Movement.' Some people have run the numbers. They found out that's enough to abort the entire city of Chicago. That's how many abortions Warren Buffett has paid for with his donations, enough to abort the entire city of Chicago."
"If you look at someone and you only see their race, that's what makes you racist. If you look at somebody and only see their gender, that makes you sexist. And that's who these liberals are. They are the prime perps, in my humble opinion."
"Flight is a series of compromises. To get something that weighs as much as your average jet airliner off the ground requires more power than you ever stop to consider."
"You hear all about lift or aerodynamic air pressure that makes an airplane fly, but you have to get a certain speed going before that air pressure differential is created. And the heavier the airplane, the faster it has to go."
"Ladies and gentlemen, you are listening to your harmless, lovable, little fuzzball host, Rush Limbaugh, well-known radio raconteur bon vivant, and now children's book Author of the Year."
"It's the hashtag! It's the hashtag. It's a beautiful thing. It's the hashtag."