"Despite a hashtag, the girls have not been brought back, have they? The girls are still being held captive despite the power of the first lady's hashtag. She held up a powerful sign and there's been no sign of 'em. Still being held."
"When you just stop and think about it in a dispassionate way, it is really stunning what average, ordinary American leftists or Democrats have been made to believe about America's conservatives. They really believe this three-eyed monster, these stereotypes. And you can see the puzzlement on their face when you show up amongst 'em and you're not that. They are really confused."
"After 25 years, nothing should surprise me. But winning this award, Author of the Year, Children's Book Council, has just caused tumult like you can't believe out there on the left. Whole television networks are leveling charges of voter fraud. (laughing)"
"I know the left like every square inch of my again shrinking and yet glorious naked body."
"Here's a guy, cannot run the VA, cannot run the Veterans Administration, cannot run Obamacare, cannot run the economy, cannot do one thing right, but he's going to have a concussion seminar at the White House for young people."
"I wonder if Hillary is gonna attend Obama's concussion summit. I mean, that would be a kick in the head, wouldn't it? Or a trip."
"You don't need a password to listen to this program. You don't need a secret decoder. All you have to do is find one of 600 radio stations or go to any number of websites and turn on the radio and listen to it. It's not a secret."
"I want you to see these. They've had a professional photojournalist create some fake pictures of the Jefferson Memorial half underwater, San Diego half underwater, New York half underwater, and they look real. They look like there was a giant flood that happened yesterday. And I'm gonna predict to you these pictures are gonna get wide distribution in all the usual low-information places and you're gonna have some people think that this is actually a picture of what has happened in some places."
"There's not one positive in six years of Obama policy or government that they can point to and say, 'And you want more of this, you elect Democrats.' There's nothing anybody wants more of, including Obamacare."