"What would be 'real change' in this country? Because Obama ain't it. More liberalism is not real change."

"The easiest way out of this today for Senator Stevens would be to simply announce a party switch. Congressman William Jefferson (Democrat-Louisiana) set the standard for the appearance of criminal behavior: Don't resign and accept the protection of fellow Democrats and their willing accomplices in the press."

"Jennifer, if you're really suffering from high blood pressure, why are you even listening right now? You may be committing a slow form of suicide here on purpose, and that's not right."

"There is a new single by the rapper Ludacris. Now, in this song, Ludacris basically says that Hillary is a b-i-itch and that McCain 'don't belong in any chair unless he's paralyzed.' I suggest that the Obama camp keep this coming. I do. We need more of this."

"The House yesterday issued an apology to black Americans for slavery and Jim Crow segregation laws. I wonder if Congress will apologize to me for using the power of the federal government to intimidate my syndication partners into essentially silencing me?"

"I don't think that The Messiah, Lord Obama, went to the Western Wall to leave a prayer at all. He probably heard that people go to the Western Wall to send messages to God, so he showed up and said, 'I'm here to pick up my mail.'"

"My mother called and told me that my Dad, when he got to the first Nightline commercial break after I was on, took off his glasses and said, 'Where in hell did he learn all this?' And my mother looked back at him and said, 'From you, silly.'"

"Senator Clinton's campaign launched a contest to pay off her remaining campaign debt: the grand prize is a dinner for you and a guest with Hillary Clinton herself. Second prize is you get to have two dates with Hillary. Just kidding!"

"If you were homeless, would you want an advocate for your circumstance? Those advocates never tried to get them out of their circumstances. They just exploited them and gave them a shopping dart -- and then they realized some shopping carts have trouble at curbs."

"'I have become a symbol of the possibility of America returning to our best traditions'? What 'best traditions', Obama? Massive tax increases?"