"Oprah Winfrey is so distraught, she is now eating her way through the fjords, after consuming Norway."

"The world rejected Obama, the world rejected Michelle (My Belle) Obama, and the world rejected The Oprah. And this is the guy who is going to talk Iran into giving up its nukes?"

"Obama and Michelle have such an ego that they thought they were going to pull this off just by showing up. Is he such a fool that he doesn't realize that these people hate America more than they like him? Does he not realize that they are delighted to make him look foolish in order to take a swipe at his country?"

"It is not coincidental or insignificant that Chicago was eliminated first. I mean, this was a bitch slap, folks, upside the head!"

"I never understood why Obama went to Copenhagen in the first place to lobby for the Olympics to come to America. I mean, we have 4% of the world's greatest athletes, and yet we win 25% of the world's gold medals. It's just not fair."

"Mr. President, America inspires the world just by being. America inspired the world long before you were born, and we will inspire the world long after your presidency -- despite your efforts to impugn this nation."

"Like I always say, folks, Obama cannot win in a fair vote. If he had ACORN representation stuffing ballot boxes, then maybe Chicago would have had a chance."

"I, ladies and gentlemen, want to take this occasion to tell you that I have never had sex with anyone on my staff. What? No, not because you're all ugly. It's because I have standards of decency -- and yet here's Letterman being laughed at and applauded for it!"

"Steve Schmidt has said that Sarah Palin in 2012 would be a 'catastrophe' for the GOP. This is one of the things that I was asked to comment on today, and here's what I wrote back: 'I think it's time for the McCain crowd to acknowledge that they're losers and pack it in.'"

"How soon before we see the new Obama bumper sticker -- 'No We Can't'?"