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Rush Limbaugh

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RUSH: Elbert, Colorado. Richard, hello, sir. I really appreciate your patience. He’s been holding on since before the program started.

CALLER: (chuckles) Thanks for taking my call, Rush.

RUSH: You bet, Richard.

CALLER: Hey, on a lighter note, do you remember back in 1989 when we had Manuel Noriega holed up in the Vatican embassy in Panama?

RUSH: Oh-ho-ho, yeah!

CALLER: Yeah.

RUSH: Pineapple face, grapefruit face. Manuel Noriega was holed up in the Papal Nuncio down there.

CALLER: Yes, sir. And the Army set up these large speakers and used loud rock ‘n’ roll to drive him out. It drove him nuts. Well, I’ve got an idea for Wisconsin right now. Someone should set up speakers at the Wisconsin statehouse but not blast rock ‘n’ roll. Oh, no. They need to blast this show, the Rush Limbaugh show.

RUSH: I like it. I like it! That would be just so cool: People driving through there with their car windows down and this show blaring to these protesters to hear it? What a… Oh, that would tick ’em off!

CALLER: (chuckling)

RUSH: That would send ’em over the edge.

CALLER: Yes, sir. That would drive the union thugs out.

RUSH: That would be great. Richard, thanks very much. I appreciate that reminder. That was… In fact, it was that incident, ladies and gentlemen, that actually gave birth for an idea for which came on this program: The All-American First Cavalry Amazon Battalion. You remember that, Snerdley? This is back in the early days of the women in combat argument, and we here at the EIB Network, always wanting to find compromise, came up with a way to effect this: The All-American First Cavalry Amazon Battalion. Let’s see if I can remember how it worked. We all know that women, when housed or grouped together over period of time end up having their menstrual cycles synchronized. We don’t know why, but we just know it happens.

Then we decided: Let certain women into the military and have the certain kinds of women be housed at the same place, the same time over a period of time and therefore we would have a combat-ready group of women on PMS whenever we needed ’em, because of the miraculousness of the synchronized menstrual cycle. Now, the All-American First Cavalry Amazon Battalion consisted of feminazis, banshees, Amazons who wanted to go into war and so forth — and we theorized, ‘If you want to get Noriega out of there,’ ’cause did the rock music work or was it just an irritant? I forget which. It might have worked.

But we speculated here, we theorized that Noriega sitting inside the Papal Nuncio and hearing Molly Yard shout, ‘This is an outrage!’ and looking out the window and seeing the All-American First Cavalry Amazon Battalion headed your way, you might give up and immediately surrender. That’s how this program effects compromise. We’ve been working at this since this program started: Finding mutual ways to achieve similar goals. Maybe if driving through Madison blaring this program is a bit much, how about blaring prayers? Sort of like Friday prayers in Cairo. Just have a bunch of people on loudspeakers praying. (interruption) I know these are liberals. (laughing) It could be considered assault.

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