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“If you want to create jobs, get Obama out of the private sector. It’s just that simple.”

“I don’t want to be stereotypical here, but I guarantee you that the people we’re talking about are nothing to look at. Trust me on this. No, I haven’t seen them, but I know these people. I know the left. Well, would you want to see Barbara Mikulski nude on a beach? Okay then, Snerdley, did I make my point?”

“I just have a simple question: ‘Mr. President, will your health care plan work as well as your stimulus plan?'”

“I knew Obama was going to have this press conference, by the way. When I saw those approval numbers dip down into the fifties, I knew it was Hail Mary time.”

“So Eric Cantor is upset that diplomats from Iran are still being invited to US government-sponsored Fourth of July parties. I have a way around this: all we have to do is tell the Iranians that we’re serving Hebrew National hot dogs, and they won’t show up.”

“I have flown into Martha’s Vineyard before. I actually thought about putting anti-missile detectors on my airplane before flying in there.”

“I think Obama’s a true believer on this stuff. I also think he thinks he’s fooling everybody, but he’s not fooling me. This guy’s right out of Das Kapital, folks.”

“I’ve been monitoring Governor Mark Sanford’s press conference here, folks, and I guess we’ve learned something: Republicans like sex, too.”

“I’m dead serious, Snerdley. I wouldn’t say this stuff if I didn’t mean it. This is all such bilge. You are going to get treatment based on how much some government agency or bureaucrat thinks you’re worth, and who knows how that’s going to be decided?”

“I remember every market that carried or carries this program. It’s my business to. They’re all special. Every darn one of them is special.”

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