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“The Clintons are making the case that Obama is an idiot, unqualified. The black guy can’t get it done.”

“That picture of Hillary on the Drudge Report… you know, I have a theory about that. I don’t know if I should mention this; people are going to think that I’m being mean when I’m not. Hmm, this is so risky to do. But, hey: I do risky.”

“Yes, we’re here in New York. It’s holiday time, so I have to come up here and show the New York staff that I still remember them and, in some cases, still care about them.”

“Silent Night… that song, even though I’ve lost my hearing and cannot hear all of the frequency ranges in it — my memory supplies the melody — it still makes me tear up as though I were on Meet the Press.”

“I learned that you cannot talk cultists out of their cult.”

“Every single advertiser with us here at the EIB Network experiences growth that even they are surprised by, even though we tell them it’s going to happen.”

“Am I correct in recalling that the Clintons constantly tell us that they are so rich and yet not taxed enough? Did you know that they hold several offshore accounts to avoid taxes? ‘No, Rush, say it ain’t so!’ I wish I could, folks, I wish I could.”

“When David Gregory was telling Mrs. Clinton she’s not answering the question, the look on her face was: ‘I’m going to get you for this.'”

“If you really want the world to love us, stop foreign aid. Just cut them off. You’ll see every country on this planet look at us with love, affection, open arms — they’ll come begging on bended knee!”

“When all else fails, you cry. We who have been married know that.”

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“If it ever gets to the point where 99% of you think that I’m all wrong about something and I don’t think I’m wrong, I’m not siding with the 99%.”

“I’m not able to play the AT&T National Pro-Am tournament this week, of course, because of my devotion and duty to you people here in the audience. Although, I don’t know if it’s appreciated or not.”

“I think the strain of all this is showing on Mrs. Clinton. Well, she was wearing these oddball little yellow outfits and these crazy facial expressions all day yesterday.”

“Did David Shuster abuse Chelsea the way Hillary’s husband abused a 20-year-old intern named Monica Lewinsky? As I recall, Hillary wasn’t all that concerned about Monica at the time.”

“I don’t control the real disaffection conservatives are feeling for the Republican Party and for Washington in general. This is the result of years of contempt for the grassroots, false promises, and pseudo-conservatism.”

“I really don’t care what it is in life — if you start taking things personally, you’re doomed. Besides, most of the time when people start ripping you, they’re really telling you more about themselves than they are about you.”

“And there you have it: I have just been compared to the North Vietnamese on Fox News. It’s a great day, folks. We’re going beyond all the previously established boundaries here.”

“Barack Obama says nothing better than anybody in a long time. I mean, people are crying, and they’re in tears listening to it, but he’s saying nothing.”

“I want to send out a hearty congratulations — with sincere love and devotion and awe and respect — to all of you wearing the military uniform of this country, in whatever branch in which you serve. Those of you in Iraq, those of you in Afghanistan — God bless you. You are succeeding.”

“I need to go out and get a Mao hat. You know, a little Mao jacket? Hillary wears them.”

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