RUSH: Stan in Chicago, you’re next on Open Line Friday. Hi.
CALLER: Rush, mega dittos.
RUSH: Thank you.
CALLER: I was joking with your call screener that it sounded like you were sucking up to those guys on “24” yesterday, but have they approached you with doing an episode or have you approached them of doing an episode?
RUSH: Here’s what happened. It sounded like I’m sucking up to the “24” guys? It was the other way around. They’re sucking up to me to appear on this show.
CALLER: Actually, you know what I think? I think you should do it if they offer it to you. The ratings —
RUSH: Well, let me tell you what happened. I didn’t discuss this, didn’t go into too much detail. At the cigar dinner in New York on Tuesday night the “24” guys were our honored guests, and I’m only kidding about them sucking up. I’m telling you, the guardrails are pretty wide here today, folks, because I am running on fumes. If I get out of this show today still on the air, it will be a major triumph of professionalism and not judgment and good sense. So, what happened is this. They’re our honored guests at the cigar dinner, and during the dinner there’s an auction. We don’t wait ’til after dinner because it could go all night.
The first thing we do is we always auction nine or ten bottles of wine, magnums or Jeroboams of wine and the rule is if you buy it you have to serve it to your table that night. You don’t get to take it home. So I always buy the first bottle. It’s become a tradition. It’s not rigged. I just bid what it takes to get it and that also sets the tone for the bottles that follow. We raise a lot of money for the Prostate Cancer Foundation. So during the course of the auction, we always get to Marvin’s Mystery Box, Marvin Shanken, and it’s a beautiful cigar humidor but he won’t tell you what’s in it.
He drops some hints along the way, like, for example, this year as last, there’s a winning ticket from some Las Vegas sports book for every NFL team to win the Super Bowl at current odds. Like I got the box last year. In fact, Michael Jordan and I both wanted it so bad Marvin says, “If you guys will both buy it I’ll put two boxes together, identical contents,” that’s what he did, and I don’t know what the Steelers — I’ve gotta turn my ticket in from last year’s mystery box. I know right where it is. I keep it in the humidor at home. So during the mystery box, this always happens. Marvin approaches guests and says, “Come on, X, throw something in. General Motors, throw in an Escalade,” and most of the time it happens.
So during the auction of the mystery box, Marvin looked at Joel Surnow and said, “Joel, throw in a walk-on role. Put it up for a hundred thousand bucks and put in a walk-on role.” By the time it was over, Joel had offered three walk-on roles, and the three walk-on roles were purchased by me, Rudy Giuliani, and Marvin bought one for his daughter. So on the flight down here on Wednesday morning, we were flying down here to New York, I told Joel, “Joel, I was just contributing to the charity. I don’t care to be on your show. I didn’t do it for that.” He said, “No, no, no. I’ve already got great plans. I’ve already been thinking about it. You and Rudy are going to be sinister funders of terrorism.” (Laughing.)
Now, that won’t happen, but this is the devious way his mind works. It’s just a walk-on role. I would never be offered anything other than that, and nobody else would, either. These guys run a business. McCain had a walk-on role this year, but unless you knew it was coming, you didn’t see it. I mean, he was just on there for a split second. He was delivering papers to president what’s-his-face. No, he was not an illegal alien. Well, we don’t know if he was an illegal alien or not; he was supposedly on the White House staff. That’s the next thing to happen.
You know where we’re going to end up? We’re going to end up with an illegal alien on the White House staff somewhere in some congressional office or some Senate office. You wait. It’ll happen. We’ve already had these guys be embarrassed by hiring illegals as nannies. Zoe Baird ring a bell? So it will happen when they shoot next season, because they’ve got three weeks to go — well, three or four weeks of shooting left they said yesterday. This season is already written. So it will happen in the next season. But it’ll be fun. It’s just a fun, fun night, and Michael Milken is there, CaP CURE foundation. Well, “Prostate Cancer Foundation” he now calls it, is his, and he matches everything that’s raised, every year, and 1.2 million he matched this year.
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