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“This ‘debate’ was nothing more than a caricature of conservatives as racists, sexists, bigots, homophobes, and other clichd things.”

“Henry Hyde had a grand, grand sense of humor. He was just a tremendously gracious guy and loved an adult beverage and a cigar. He was articulate, he was compassionate, and sincere, and he’s going to be missed.”

“I’m going to have to do something about my cat. Punkin head-butted me for an hour and a half today starting at 5 a.m.! This is a test of wills.”

“I warned these Republican candidates way back in July: ‘Don’t do this.’ These YouTube debates are demeaning the office, folks. I swear I thought the Unabomber got out of jail and was back in his cabin doing videos to ask these guys questions.”

“There is a pattern here, ladies and gentlemen, to the way CNN operates. It is not called the Clinton News Network simply for humor!”

“I don’t like seeing conservatism being watered down. I don’t want people who are not conservative being said to be representatives of the ‘new’ conservatism. There is no ‘new’ conservatism! There is conservatism, and you either are or you aren’t.”

“You ask Mrs. Clinton a policy question, and you better be wearing a protective cup between your legs.”

“Snerdley, are you going to be watching the Packers and Cowboys tonight? You must have satellite. Brian, are you? H.R. is going to go to a sports bar, which is not bad if you’re married.”

“You people at CNN really make people sick. You have this holier-than-thou, erudite arrogance about yourselves, but you’re a bunch of uninformed, ignoramus morons about this country and the people who live in it.”

“Part of the fun of playing golf, James, is when you cream the ball, when you hit it on the screws, it’s almost orgasmic to see the thing sail down the fairway 250 yards.”

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“One of our singular achievements here is that we have made the word ‘liberal’ a dirty word.”

“True conservatism cannot tolerate dangerously stupid ideas, whereas liberalism seems to be able to tolerate everything — from terrorism to pushing environmental wacko propaganda on our kids.”

“John Lewis said it was harder to leave the Clintons than it was to march across the bridge in Selma. I think he may know something that we don’t.”

“Obama doesn’t like his middle name being used, so we can’t use it? What are we going to call him? Barack Fitzgerald Obama? Barack Earl Obama? Give him some other middle name, then!”

“No employer, no insurance company, no politician or government bureaucrat knows better than you about your family’s health needs. You should have the right to purchase health care and health insurance as you see fit. There: In less than 30 seconds, I’ve just explained the concept of fixing health care.”

“The accumulation of wealth is a right. That is, you have a right to freely earn an income and dispose of it as you wish. You know the drill: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

“There’s a sanctimony and an arrogance that attaches to liberals. It’s to the point where they don’t have to explain what they believe, they just are — and anybody who’s not what they are is a racist, a sexist, a bigot, a homophobe, or a kook.”

“Governor Sarah Palin’s a babe. By the way, I’m not diminishing any of her accomplishments by pointing out that she’s a babe; the babe aspect is just icing on the cake.”

“When Barack Obama talks about Iraq, it’s dangerously incompetent and ignorant. I don’t know whether it’s born of lack of intelligence or just lack of experience, but, frankly, I don’t care. It’s ignorant.”

“I know, Brian! I’m just listening to the tune here! I like Tone-Loc!”

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