RUSH: We’ll start in Jackson, New Jersey, with Lee. Lee, welcome, and it’s great to have you with us.
CALLER: Hey, Rush, longtime listener, first-time caller.
RUSH: Thank you.
CALLER: Former Democrat, now Republican, had to respond to the cow lady about Barbaro. No can do. Horses have to mount a mare or a phantom, as it’s called.
RUSH: Wait, wait, let me bring the callers up to speed. As you know each broadcast minute here brings a new audience, and they may be wondering, ?What is this??
CALLER: What I am talking about.
RUSH: Yeah. We had a woman call earlier saying this whole Barbaro business, the horse was kept alive much longer than he should have been because of money, because of the stud fees and so forth. And the caller implied that it is possible to obtain semen from the horse from artificial insemination, even though I pointed out this is a violation of rules in thoroughbred racing. She claimed that there are techniques. I jokingly said, ?Do you know how to masturbate a horse?? I figured they only know how to do that in Washington. And she said, ?Oh, there’s a technique, and I’m certified.? That is why Lee here is calling, and that’s why Lee is explaining to us — start at the beginning. Now, the stallion has to mount?
CALLER: Yes. He has to stand up on his hind legs, which of course Barbaro couldn’t do, because he had a broken hind leg, and he has to mount a mare or a fake mare called a phantom in order produce, as the cow lady called, ?the essence.? So, as you said, even if he could —
RUSH: What is a fake phantom? This could come in handy sometime.
CALLER: It is an oblong thing on legs that they train the horse to jump for certain registries that do allow artificial insemination.
RUSH: Wait a second, they can trick a male horse — I’m getting a picture here that — they can trick a male horse into thinking the piece of wood is a mare?
CALLER: More or less, yes. That’s simplifying a bit, but yes.
RUSH: Well, simplifying it is oftentimes the most powerful way to make a point.
CALLER: Well, that’s it, in a nutshell.
RUSH: Well, not quite a nut ? (Laughing.) — but that’s only half the story, Lee.
CALLER: Yes. They can’t do it with thoroughbreds because even if they could have gotten them to do that, all thoroughbreds are DNA tested, and he would not have been able to register any of his offspring because he did not live cover a mare.
RUSH: Right.
CALLER: So his essence would be virtually useless.
RUSH: There’s no artificial way to extract the essence?
CALLER: Well, there probably is by a veterinarian, other than jumping on a mare, but that is the way that is always done for artificial insemination.
CALLER: I’m not going to ask any more questions.
RUSH: Yeah, you don’t want to get into details.
CALLE: No, I really don’t. The picture here is enough.
CALLER: Right.
RUSH: The thing is there has to be a third party involved in this mounting business.
CALLER: Right.
RUSH: Yeah, and what that person is doing is what I’m curious about.
CALLER: Well, yes, he’s using what they call an artificial vagina, if you want to go into the details, and it?s put on the horse.
RUSH: It’s so unfair to trick these stallions like this.
CALLER: I think. That’s why the thoroughbred and the jockey club people don’t allow it.
RUSH: (Laughing.)
CALLER: But anyway, the Jacksons are lovely people, and I’m sure they had the horse insured for mortality. If they only cared about money, they would have put him down right away. They cared about the horse an awful lot.
RUSH: I’m sure they did.
CALLER: Major medical is often impossible to get, and even then only for very, very minor problems.
RUSH: Do we really want to go there? The horse had more health care than some Americans get?
CALLER: No, you can’t get it for racehorses. They don’t give it, for racehorses you can’t get it.
RUSH: It sounds like a health care crisis for thoroughbreds to me.
CALLER: It’s a huge health care crisis for thoroughbreds.
RUSH: It?s not just afflicting 46 Americans, there?s a bunch of thoroughbreds that can’t get health care coverage.
CALLER: We need Hillary Care for thoroughbreds.
RUSH: We certainly do. We’re learning so much here with the life and death of this great champion, Barbaro. Thanks, Lee, for the phone call. I appreciate it. Jim in Shasta Lake, California, you’re next. Hello, sir.
CALLER: Yes, hi, Rush.
RUSH: Hi.
CALLER: What I have to say to you is going to kind of dovetail a little bit towards what your last caller —
RUSH: That’s why we took your call now, yeah.
CALLER: Right. For many years I used to assist and then I got to where I was able to do it somewhat myself —
RUSH: Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?
CALLER: Yes. Yes.
RUSH: Masturbatory techniques, okay.
CALLER: We didn’t use an artificial mare. We used a mare that was in season. A mare that was ready to receive a stallion.
RUSH: Yeah.
CALLER: And we’d bring the stallion out and he would become excited and ready to mount the mare, and he would mount the mare and just as soon as he mounted the mare, a very well lubricated neoprene or nylon or type of condom was slipped over the sheath of the horse.
RUSH: Who the hell did that?
CALLER: The veterinarian would do it. And the stallion with this sheath that was slipped over him, he thought that he had entered the mare, because it was a completely different feeling, he would start his one or two or three pumps or thrusts and he would ejaculate down into the end of this sleeve into a sterilized container, and that was the semen that you could get from a stallion. And whereas Barbaro, he wouldn’t be able to do that for quite some time until his legs strengthened because a horse has to stand on his two hind legs.
RUSH: Yeah.
CALLER: Right now his leg wasn’t strong enough, but he could have done that, maybe, had his leg gotten better, he could have done that in the future.
RUSH: Yeah, but —
CALLER: And they would have been able to take this semen, and they could — they could —
RUSH: Guy’s excited. (Laughing.)
CALLER: — inseminate a grade mare. They could not inseminate a registered thoroughbred. A grade mare like that would produce something that would run at counties and places not in the big three, the Kentucky Derby, Pimlico, and so forth. 
RUSH: Let me ask a quick question. We’ve got one minute here. After this sock, condom with the lubricant (which will interest Senator Reid, because he represents big lubricant industries in Nevada) — what’s the mare do? Does the mare figure out here that — I mean, the mare gets tricked along with the stallion. The stallion thinks everything is normal. What’s the mare doing here?
CALLER: She’s standing there sort of in a squatting type position, ready to receive the stallion, which she never does because the shaft of the stallion’s penis doesn’t enter the mare —
RUSH: Well, that’s the point. How long is the mare going to put up with this before trying to walk away? Gotta figure something’s not happening. The stallion’s having a ball, and the mare, nothing. You’re not painting an intelligent picture of these beasts.
CALLER: Rush, she’s tied up in a breeding stall.
RUSH: Oh, that explains. She’s a prisoner. She’s like a reverse dominatrix. Okay. Now it makes sense. I’m thinking this happens out in the open, you know, in the middle of the corral. You never know what you’re going to learn here, folks.