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RUSH: This is hilarious. It’s a story from Haley, Idaho. “The cat, a black and white domestic male, went on the rampage Wednesday when a neighbor showed up at the door with a different cat, mistakenly thinking it belonged to the woman. ‘She went to the door, and her cat went berserk,’ Jeff Nevins, assistant fire chief for Wood River Fire and Rescue, told the Idaho Mountain Express. The woman in her 60s was taken to St. Luke’s Wood River Medical Center with what Nevins described as ‘pretty serious puncture wounds.’ Neither the hospital nor the fire department would provide any details to The Associated Press on Saturday, or say whether she has been released. ‘I think the owner said she was going to take it to the shelter because that’s not the first time she’s been attacked,’ Nevins said.

Come on! I get attacked by Punkin all the time when she wants to be fed. Well, not ‘attacked.’ I get headbutted. The other morning I was telling the staff here, ‘I refused to react to the headbutts because I’m not going to be run by a cat.’ I love this little cat, as you know. I just melt with this little cat. She’ll be ten in August, by the way. She’ll come in and she’ll start head butting me to wake me up before I want to get up; before I want to wake up; before I want to get out of bed. I’m not going to sit there and act like a slave to the cat. That’s reinforcing this kind of behavior. So she actually pulled the covers off of me and started biting my big toes. She’s never done that before, never pulled the covers off. She didn’t have too much to go, wasn’t a major project, but I still didn’t budge. I just yanked my foot away and said, “I’m not doing it, Punkin. You’re just gonna have to wait ’til I’m ready. There’s food in the bowl. Go eat what’s there.”

I hear this meow that I just know is an obscenity directed at me.

I once brought another cat into the house, and Punkin went berserk at the cat, not me. If you’re going to do this, you have to do it with smell. You have to bring your second cat in. If you have one cat in the house for a while, the cat thinks it owns the house. It’s the cat’s house and you just have the privilege of living there. If you bring another cat in and the cat sees it, you’ve got problems. What you have to do is introduce the second cat in a different room with the door closed. The current cat will smell it but not be able to figure out where, and go berserk in the process. It might scratch up the door where the other cat is, but after awhile when they get adjusted to the scent, then everybody is hunky-dory. I’ve learned to be a pretty good cat psychiatrist dealing with Punkin. I’ve learned more about dealing with women by having Punkin than any experience in my life prior.

I said that once, and the left just went batty out there.

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