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RUSH: Howard Beach in New York. This is Charlie. Nice to have you, sir. Welcome.

CALLER: Hey, Rush, mega dittos from the airport, baby. I’m on vacation, and I always promised myself I was going to call on your show when I was off, because I actually never listen to you unless I’m driving, but I had two questions, if you’ll be so kind.

RUSH: Uh, sure, but I have a couple questions here. Where are you going?

CALLER: Well, pretty much just to Delta and Customs and back and Valley Stream, and driving 80 miles in a circle for 21 years now, but I’ve only been listening to your show for the last four.

RUSH: Oh. I thought you were going on vacation somewhere.

CALLER: No. I’m going to Atlantic City Thursday.

RUSH: Oh, oh, oh.

CALLER: But when I’m driving — and, you know, I’m glad you’re feeling better and I just wanted to say, the day when Kerry lost, I was picturing you in your studio like lighting up a cigar and you were like the happiest man on earth, and the next one, let’s say it’s like a Super Bowl. Do you think the next one, Hillary losing, because she’s obviously going to run — do you think her losing is bigger than Kerry losing? Because I respect your opinion.

RUSH: Yeah, it is, because if Mrs. Bill Clinton loses, that’s the end of Clinton Inc., for a while.

CALLER: So this is bigger than Kerry? Would you be happier?

RUSH: Well, we try to not exist here in schadenfreude: that is taking pleasure and satisfaction in the misery of others.

CALLER: Yeah, true. You being near 55. I’m 47.

RUSH: (Laughing.)

CALLER: That was another thing. I was going to call you on Open Line Friday and suggest that you talk to women 27% longer than your male callers. What’s your explanation for that, sir?

RUSH: You’ve actually run that calculation? You’ve run those numbers?

CALLER: Pretty much, because you said you’re right 98% of the time so I figure you’re big on numbers.

RUSH: I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m heterosexual.

CALLER: Yeah, but you like talking to woman. If I was a radio show guy, I would probably enjoy getting calls from women.

RUSH: Sure. We all love women here. Why not talk to them?

CALLER: But you never mentioned, you know, like — because Giuliani, the country doesn’t like him because he’s a New Yorker, right? I’m a New Yorker.

RUSH: No, Giuliani is leading in the polls. He’s running away with everything so far at this point.

CALLER: But you never said — I know you’re a Republican. You would just vote basically whoever’s running on the ticket, right? It could be like, I don’t know, my mailman if he was Republican.

RUSH: What are you trying to do? You’re doing something with these questions. I’m glad to answer the questions, but you’re a confessed lib.

CALLER: No, I am a liberal, and I can’t vote for any of these guys, because they’re all horrible. Obama is a joke, and Hillary is Satan — not Satan, but you know, the other… Can I ask you something off the record? Do you mind when people parody you on other radio shows?

RUSH: No, no, no, no.

CALLER: You don’t mind that?

RUSH: No, of course not. I never hear it anyway. I don’t listen to any other radio shows. There aren’t any other radio shows.

CALLER: Your show is cool. Do you do like all the production yourself or do you have a lot of people help you with it?

RUSH: We have a staff here of three or four that do the production-oriented things, yeah. This show is too big to do it alone anymore. I used to be able to do it all myself. It’s too big now.

CALLER: I feel like I owe you because you give me all this entertainment for three hours and I’ve never given a chance to give you back anything.

RUSH: Oh, you’re doing quite a lot here today, and you know, it’s great talking to you.

CALLER: Is there a real Dawn?

RUSH: There is a real Dawn.

CALLER: There is a real Dawn? My niece’s name is Dawn, and every time you talk to her, I think of my niece.

RUSH: Well, see, that’s how this program relates.

CALLER: Really?

RUSH: You’re just part of the family.

CALLER: I love your show, Rush. I’m glad you feel better. I know you were sick for a while. I missed calling you on your birthday. The main thing is, are you going to be happier if (Hillary) loses than you were happy the morning Kerry lost? Because you sounded — I’ve listened to you for four years. That’s the happiest you ever sounded that morning.

RUSH: Yes, I’m not going to deny there’s joy when my side wins. Of course I’ll be happy when my side wins. I hate losing to those people, but the answer to the question is I don’t know if I’ll be happier. John Kerry losing is sort of like the Democrats’ throwaway candidate losing.

CALLER: You call him Lurch. I’m 47. That’s my generation, you know, like you should come up with like a nickname for — I don’t know, for Obama or Hillary, you know, like Dawn or Gilligan’s Island or something.

RUSH: We’ve got a nickname for Obama, it’s ODumbo, because he’s sensitive to his ears.

CALLER: He doesn’t like talking about that.

RUSH: Anyway, as —

CALLER: I love you Rush. I waited a long time to talk to you but I just wanted to tell you, I listen every day. I’m going back to work Monday.

RUSH: Charlie, I talked to you more than I’ve talked to most women.

CALLER: Yeah, 42%, that is long!

RUSH: Let’s not start any rumors. I’ve gotta run.

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