RUSH: My friends, I’m in a dilemma today. I saw a story. I was shocked to see this. The divorce rate is down. ‘Despite the common notion that America remains plagued by a divorce epidemic, the national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970. … Even those who study marriage and work to make it more successful can’t decide whether the trend is grounds for celebration or cynicism.’ I must say that I fall into that category. Well, I’m not sure whether it’s good news. But, see, I’m a thinking, engaged person. I can’t take myself out of the story. Now, the story is kind of funny. This is an AP story. Other researchers have documented what they call the ‘divorce divide.’ Did you know there’s a divorce divide? There is, and what do you think it is?
Well, the divorce divide contends ‘divorce rates are falling substantively among college-educated couples but not among less-affluent, less-educated couples.’ So the rich, college educated are staying married but the poor and the less educated, those with subprime loans, those people are still getting divorced. The other ones know how much it’s going to cost them. They stay together. The less affluent, cost is really not a factor there. I think it’s a factor. Well… ‘One of the researchers whose studies detected the ‘divorce divide’ is University of Maryland sociologist Steven Martin. Comparing marriages from early 1970s to those of the early ’90s, Martin found that the rate of breakups within 10 years of marriage dropped by one-third among college-educated women while remaining stable among less-educated women.’ Wait a minute. Where are the men in this? A woman just can’t get divorced. A man has to be divorced at the same time. (interruption) There are not enough gay marriages out there legalized for this to be factored in statistically.
Here’s my problem with this. Divorce has been very, very good to me. I mentioned earlier I was at a dinner party last night. A good friend here in Palm Beach threw a dinner party. This guy has got a style of running a dinner party. He likes to stir the pot. At some point during dinner, you just know that he’s going to ask the table a question that’s designed to get the fur flying. Of course, when I’m there, I get the question. And last night there were some very ardent fundraisers and supporters of Hillary Clinton and others who were not ardent supporters of Hillary Clinton. So the question that was asked, ‘Rush, please tell us what you dislike the most about Hillary Clinton.’
Well, of course, this is a no win. So I said, ‘Well…’ reminding the table that our host loves to stir things up at his dinner parties, ‘before I answer the question, I would like to toast the host and hostess for another wonderful dinner party with a great, eclectic group of people I’ve enjoyed meeting — and some of these people I’ve wanted to get to know for a long time,’ blah, blah, blah, just being my usual, charming self. Then I answered the question. I said, ‘It’s difficult to say there’s something I dislike the most about Hillary Clinton. Frankly, in a weird way, she’s had to eat a whole lot of excrement sandwiches in her life, and some days she’s had mustard to put on them and some days not. Some days mayonnaise and some days just plain.’
I just tried to be as diplomatic, because I leave the politics at the office when I go out. I want to have fun at these things. I’m halfway through the answer — I went alone, which is always more fun for me. I went alone. There was a woman sitting next to me who I had not met. I met her just last night, and halfway through this answer she pinches my thigh, and I stopped, and I told the table, ‘She just pinched my thigh and we’re not even married. She was trying to get me to shut up and we’re not even married.’ Of course, that broke the ice and everybody started laughing. I was thinking, ‘If we had been married, what would the pinch have been?’ She probably would have kicked me a number of times, until I shut up. But last night I was not obligated to shut up. I was not obligated to do anything. I was free to comment on it. I was just stopped dead in my tracks. How many times, you husbands, when you’re in such situations and you’re talking your wife nudges you, kicks you under the table, how many of you start boiling, but you shut up? You shut up. You make apologies or whatever. That’s not going to happen to me. I was telling Snerdley earlier, I’ve got five people I trust, and I’ve told them all, ‘If I lose my mind again and I tell you that I’m thinking of getting married, I want you to put me in a straight jacket and take me to the beach at high tide.’ I’m serious about it.’ If that happens, here’s what I’m going to do: I’m just going to buy the woman a house and break up with her, because that will be the end result anyway.
RUSH: Look, I’ve been getting emails, folks. People misunderstood one aspect of the story I just told about the woman seated to my left who pinched me on the thigh. I’ve got so many emails from women: ‘You’re going to let that psycho b*tch determine your future?’ She was sweet! She was trying to be helpful! She was just being wifey, and we’re not married. That’s all I’m saying. Anyway, the primary reason the divorce rate is down is because I haven’t gotten married again. That’s something that’s not in the story, but I have to throw it in there for things to be statistically accurate.
RUSH: Sorry, folks. I was reading emails from women who are alternately chuckling or outraged. One of them said, ‘Do you hate women? Would you just be honest?’ No, folks, no! It’s quite the opposite. It is quite the opposite. The furthest possible thing from the truth is that I hate or dislike women. By the way, when I talk about divorce, I am not blaming the women I’ve married. It’s not their fault that… Look, I’ve got to stop here, but I’m just no good at it. Okay? Pure and simple.
RUSH: This is Onesti. [Pronounced: Honesty] That’s her name. Jacksonville, Florida. Hi, Onesti. Nice to have you with us.
CALLER: Major Rush Baby dittos, Mr. Limbaugh. I was calling about those marriage and divorce statistics that you mentioned a little while ago. I don’t think this study is taking into account the millions of couples that are bypassing marriage altogether and just shacking up or just producing children without ever marrying.
RUSH: Well, you may have a point about that if we’re going to talk about statistics. The divorce rate is said to be the lowest it’s been since 1970. Onesti’s point is less people are getting married. So if you’re getting married less you’re getting less divorces.
RUSH: I didn’t read the whole story, but is that in there? It is factored in there?
CALLER: It is factored in there.
RUSH: Okay. It’s on page three and the interesting stuff in the story to me was on page one and two. Snerdley told me they say it is a reason. So you’re right. I don’t know how big a factor it is.
CALLER: I think it would be a pretty big one, because I know with lots of my friends, my generation —
RUSH: How old are you?
RUSH: Well, your generation is hooking up — not even shacking up, hooking up.
CALLER: It’s pretty sad. I’m embarrassed to be the generation I am.
RUSH: It’s a problem. It’s loveless sex. It’s predominantly big in a lot of big time universities (interruption). Well, because it devalues women. That’s precisely the problem. You know, Snerdley is out here stirring the pot, like the host at dinner. Snerdley… Let me tell you, Onesti, what he just said to me. He said, ‘My God, this is every kid’s dream growing up. The hook-up thing. They weren’t hooking up when we were young.’ But I’m telling you, it devalues women.
CALLER: I would agree.
RUSH: It’s going to have long-term effects on those women, bad, bad effects.
CALLER: The funny thing is that some of the women of my generation are seeing the shack-up trend with our mothers’ generation and going, ‘That didn’t work. We’re not going to do that,’ and we’re staying home with our kids and being more traditional than our own mothers were.
RUSH: But you’re married now?
CALLER: Yes, sir, I am. Been married for about five and a half years, and happily so.
RUSH: So you got married before you were 20?
CALLER: Yes, sir. I was 19. I had been in love with the man since I was 13.
RUSH: That melts my heart.
CALLER: We have a long and silly love story.
RUSH: Well, I wouldn’t know, but it warms my heart, nevertheless. I had a question I was going to ask you. It has slipped — oh, when you said that you don’t want to live the way your parents did, your mothers, you don’t want to be those same kind of parents, this is exactly what I have said. When we have discussions about the cultural rot, and every generation thinks the cultural rot during their time is worse than it’s ever been. That’s not true. There’s been cultural rot since there’s been culture. But in a free society like ours, what always puts the brakes on the country going down the tubes is precisely attitudes like yours. You’re 25 and you’re looking at adults of your parents’ age and older saying, ‘I don’t want to live that way,’ and this is how it happens. It evolves slowly and it’s not the result of any movement. It’s just young people look at the way their parents are living and if they don’t like it they don’t want to duplicate it. Certainly nobody gets married wanting to get divorced or even expecting to — except me. Nobody wants to have meaninglessness in their lives. You probably see a lot of people living their lives that don’t have a whole lot of meaning that you can perceive, and you don’t want that for yourself.
CALLER: Exactly. From what I can see, radical feminism sure doesn’t work.
RUSH: Amen to that. Wow. What a day this has been to reinforce my confidence in the future of the country.
CALLER: Well, I’m glad to be a part of that.
RUSH: Just don’t call me Mister anymore. Call me Rush or whatever. Don’t call me Mister.
CALLER: I’ve been listening to you since the ’80s, so I can’t help it. Sorry.
RUSH: How did you get the name Onesti?
CALLER: My parents were both young and my mother was reading a novel by Piers Anthony, Centaur Aisle, and the main character in the book couldn’t spell worth beans, and thought that was how the word ‘honesty’ was supposed to be spelled. They thought it was pretty and that’s how I got my name.
RUSH: She spells her name H-o-n-e-s-t-i.
CALLER: It’s O-n-e-s-t-i.
RUSH: There’s no H on it?
CALLER: No H.
RUSH: Oh, there’s no H on it. Snerdley screwed that up. Alright, it’s great to hear from you. Thank you very much for the call.
RUSH: I just looked up. I’ve been looking at the computer. You people watching on the Dittocam know this. I look at the computer and am doing some stuff there. I’m getting my share of grief on the computer, like, I ‘don’t spend this much time with men. Why is that?’ Go figure it out, guys. So I turn and I look at the call roster computer: ‘Martha, St. Louis,’ and the subject line… I said, ‘Snerdley, why are you doing this to me?’
He said, ‘It’s Open Line Friday.’
So here’s Martha in St. Louis. Hi, Martha. It’s nice to have you on the program — and by the way, I love that name.
CALLER: Thank you very much, Rush. Can I play Dr. Ruth with you for just a minute?
RUSH: Dr. Ruth? She was a sex doctor!
CALLER: Well, I know, but I really believe that you do love women, and even though you’ve been married and divorced three times, you continue to tell everybody you love women.
RUSH: Wait a minute! Don’t put it that way.
RUSH: I’m only saying that because I’m being challenged here in the e-mail.
CALLER: But you do love women?
RUSH: Yes. To a fault.
CALLER: All right. What is the perfect woman for you, do you really believe?
RUSH: You know, I should do this.
CALLER: You really should.
RUSH: I actually should put it down on a list on a piece of paper, and if the future Mrs. Ex-Rush Limbaugh doesn’t meet the criteria, then, bam!
CALLER: It works. I did it, and I didn’t settle the second time. I got the perfect man.
RUSH: You know, that’s right. Most people settle because they don’t like themselves enough.
CALLER: Exactly, and I don’t want you to settle. But I would love to see you with a woman that you’re happy with.
RUSH: Why? What is the big deal?
CALLER: Well, because you’re an interesting man. You’re energetic. You’re humorous. Somebody could really love you and you could really love somebody else. I know it.
RUSH: Get me the violins.
CALLER: (Laughing) I don’t mean to sound like that.
RUSH: This kind of talk embarrasses me. Is my face getting flushed?
CALLER: I knew it would. That’s why I asked if I could do it. But in the privacy of your own home, why don’t you put down the things that would make you the most happy, and then you could say, ‘I could marry that person.’
RUSH: And then put it on the website?
CALLER: No, no. This is for you. I don’t want to know what it is. I want you to get in touch with what it is.
RUSH: See, there’s a part of me that thinks I’m married to the audience, that I’m married to my job, and that this is where I devote 90% of my energy.
CALLER: And you do.
RUSH: When I’m not here I do. Ninety percent of my thoughts are, ‘How will this work on the radio?’ Like at that dinner party last night. It’s show prep. I had fun, don’t misunderstand. I leave the office at the office when I go home. My point is that I’m wedded to this.
CALLER: Well, did your wives feel left out completely?
RUSH: That’s a more complicated answer than I probably want to get into. Yeah, to an extent, but I don’t think that’s unique, though.
CALLER: No, it’s not. I don’t know. Maybe you can’t share the audience and a wife. Maybe it’s not possible to do that. But a really secure woman would love it if you could. She would love it.
RUSH: (interruption) How do I feel about what? A secure woman? Now Snerdley is asking me a question. I have all these people asking me what I think about what you just said. Snerdley is asking me. He wants to know how I feel about whatever you said about my sharing an audience and a woman.
RUSH: You realize how that sounds? (Laughing)
CALLER: It’s a serious question.
RUSH: I know it is, and it’s a valid serious question.
CALLER: Right. He was so glad I asked that. He said, ‘Oh, my gosh, this is a great question. I can’t wait to hear what he says.’
RUSH: Yeah, he thinks I’m going to expose a bunch of private stuff on the radio. That’s what titillates people.
CALLER: Well, I’m not after private stuff. I’m after someone falling in love with you and you falling in love with them. That’s what I’m after.
RUSH: Why? Seriously now. Why does it matter, Dr. Martha, to you? You’ve gotten so much joy out of love you want to share, that’s what it is?
CALLER: I do indeed, and it’s wonderful.
RUSH: I understand that. I love sharing my passions, too.
CALLER: See, there you go. Steve Smith is the best man in the whole world (getting choked up) and when I talk about him I could cry.
RUSH: That would be your husband —
CALLER: Yeah, it would be.
RUSH: — or your ex-husband? I’m just kidding. I can’t stop making these jokes. I appreciate that this matters so much to you.
CALLER: It does.
RUSH: I get embarrassed talking about this stuff.
CALLER: I do too. I’m glad I’m not on a video so people don’t see me. Okay, well, you think about it over the weekend and next Friday you tell us who that lady might be.
RUSH: You said not to make it public!
CALLER: Well, I really do want to know (laughing) then just call me back.
RUSH: Leave your number with Snerdley.
CALLER: I will. I’m pulling for you.
RUSH: I’ve had people tell me — before you, you’re like the third or fourth — you need to put this down on a piece of paper.
CALLER: Really, you should.
RUSH: Like the ideal woman.
CALLER: She’s out there. I know you can do it. I know you can.
RUSH: It would be no problem doing it. It’s just that that feels discriminatory to me, ‘the ideal woman.’ The concept of ideal is fleeting. It’s like ‘perfect.’ There’s no such thing.
CALLER: Wouldn’t you say this woman cannot be jealous of anything that you do and she cannot be insecure?
RUSH: Well, obviously.
CALLER: Yeah. She’s got to be strong.
RUSH: When that happens, I have to cut my repertoire of discussion subjects in half if that’s the case.
CALLER: No, you don’t.
RUSH: For peace at home, yes. I have to.
CALLER: Then you’re settling.
RUSH: Half of this show today could not have happened if I were married. I guarantee you.
CALLER: That’s too bad.
RUSH: That’s exactly what I’m telling you. Exactly.
CALLER: Too bad.
RUSH: Anyway, I have to run here, Martha.
CALLER: Okay, love you! Bye!
RUSH: Don’t hang up. Snerdley will get your phone number.
CALLER: Oh that’s right. Good.
RUSH: I made the list here, folks. Ideal women: 36-24-36, five foot seven, flat spot on top of the head, deaf mute. The flat spot on the top of the head is for your drink. (Laughing) It’s a joke. I have to close the program out with the famous last words today uttered by poor Dawn as the only woman amongst us in here. She clicked on the intercom a mere moment ago and said, ‘Some days it is just a struggle in here, and this has been one of those days, but it’s been fun, too.’ We’ll be back on Monday. Have a great weekend, folks. Cheerio and adios.