RUSH: No, I had a really blissful weekend. I went back to Cape Girardeau, I had a cousin’s member-guest golf tournament there, Dalhousie golf club. Great course, too, by the way. You know what? I did not watch television. I didn’t even have my computer with me. Had my Blackberry for e-mails. I did not know until mid-afternoon yesterday when I got home that Paris Hilton had been put back in jail. I saw that, ‘Whoa, what did I miss here?’ Then I find out that the judge did not agree with the sheriff on this, didn’t buy the medical excuse that she was saying. She wasn’t eating or drinking anything because she was afraid to use the toilet because she was afraid that the guards would take cell phone pictures. So that’s why she was let out, supposedly. Now she’s apparently phoned into ABC from the psych ward that she’s staying in the new wing of the jail or whatever, says she’s no longer going to act dumb. Paris Hilton is no longer going to act dumb. That’s fabulous, that’s wonderful news. I just don’t know how we’re going to tell the difference. By the way, we need that latest Justice Brothers commercial, Mike, if you can find that thing pretty quickly. I’m sorry for no heads up on this. The Reverend Sharpton, one of the Justice Brothers, is in Los Angeles to meet with the sheriff, Lee Baca, to talk about these issues in terms of letting her out early, and of course if you were not with us last Friday when this story broke, the Justice Brothers, big sponsors here, sent us an emergency commercial.
(Playing of Justice Brothers emergency commercial.)
RUSH: Kristin in Chicago, you’re next. I’m glad you waited. You’re on the EIB Network.
CALLER: Hey, Rush, mega Midwestern dittos.
RUSH: Thank you.
CALLER: Hey, my point is, I’m curious as to why Paris is so worried about being photographed in the toilet when she’s pretty proud of her sex video.
RUSH: Well, now, now, now. Women — see, I don’t think she’s proud of the sex video. I think the sex video upset her, gave her a few problems, but, look, Kirsten, I don’t want to get all Lenny Bruce on you here, but you understand the difference in having pictures taking doing business on the bathroom. No woman wants that. That’s why every successful marriage is a two-bathroom marriage, minimum. There are not going to be any pictures taken of that. Sex is another thing.
CALLER: Rush, I completely agree with you.
RUSH: Well, that’s sweet. I know it’s hard to disagree with me sometimes.
CALLER: If we were married, I would insist on two bathrooms.
RUSH: (Laughing.) So would I.
RUSH: I’d get there first. Thanks for the call.
RUSH: Kristin is in the top ten list of names. Kristin is absolutely in the top ten list of favorite female names of mine. We’ve had two of them so far today: Kristin and Jennifer.
RUSH: All right. It was only mere moments ago, ladies and gentlemen, that I shared with you what I have recently learned, that Paris Hilton had called in to Barbara Walters’ show, saying that the dumb act was going to end now, it’s time to grow up, going to start acting smart, not going to act dumb anymore. Then, a mere 30 minutes later, I see a graphic on the TV claiming that Paris Hilton says she feels like she’s in a cage. Well, she is in a cage. It’s called jail. Now, when I heard that she said she was going to end the dumb act, I said, ‘Well, that’s cool, but how are we ever going to tell the difference?’ I submit to you that I was right about that. I don’t think she feels like she’s in a cage; she is in a cage! She also said God’s given her a new chance to make a difference. Uh, okay. Maybe she’s going to end the dumb act, but she obviously hasn’t decided to end it yet. Then she said she was shocked by the attention her case has received and suggested the public and the media focus ‘on more important things like the men and women serving our country in Iraq.’ The initial reaction to that is, well, at least she knows that we’re in Iraq, and then you say, no, maybe not, because she probably didn’t write this, an image consultant wrote this, well, I don’t know that he wrote it. An image consultant named Michael Sands actually said this. ‘Paris Hilton will become a real Hollywood star from this experience. If she handles it like a famous person and goes to a military base, visits Walter Reed, then Hollywood will embrace her. Hollywood is very forgiving. It’s not like she insulted the Jews.’ (Laughing.) ‘It’s not like she insulted the Jews.’ It’s vacuous, folks. Everybody that surrounds this story is vacuous.