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“Next Democrat debate, the questions ought to come from Shrek, the Little Mermaid, Nemo, Homer Simpson, and Cartman from South Park.”

“Somebody at CNN is probably in huge trouble today because there were four or five instances last night when the camera was placed right behind Mrs. Clinton’s derriere. And believe me: you forgot anything you were hearing at the time when you watched that.”

“I’ve never been inside a Starbucks. It’s not an active decision that I’ve made not to go inside, I’ve just never been there. For me, coffee is not a destination. I drink it where I am.”

“This business that Barack Obama would talk to Iran and Syria and tell them they have ‘responsibilities’ if Iraq collapses… Barack, I have one word for you: Lebanon.”

“Gorbachev’s birthmark kept growing during the eighties, typifying Soviet expansionism. I mean, you could even see the East Coast of the United States in that birthmark! Plus Florida, a little bit of Maine, and some of the Gulf coast.”

“Who came out on top last night? That’s a dangerous question to ask when Chris Dodd’s on the panel. Because, you know, he was ultimately on top and on bottom during the waitress sandwich days with Ted Kennedy.”

“New York Times headline: ‘Support for Initial Invasion of Iraq Has Risen.’ How can this be? Well, it’s either one or two words, depending how you wish to reserve expression: ‘me’ or ‘Rush Limbaugh.'”

“How about this as an example of great diplomacy: Ronaldus Magnus walking out on Mikhail Gorbachev at Reykjavik. And maybe one of the greatest diplomatic feats of all time: Bill Clinton with Hillary after Monica.”

“Thank you for the call. Uh, I… Sorry for the pause, folks, but when a guy says, ‘I love you,’ I… I appreciate it. But I’ll tell you: I feel like John Edwards here.”

“It’s obvious to me that sniveling liberals despise the strong, solid, brave, and committed fighting men and women who are trying to defend this nation’s national security — and that I detest.”

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