RUSH: How about Elizabeth Edwards? Have you heard about this? Elizabeth Edwards says she’s not going to buy tangerines anymore. She said that it’s too big a carbon footprint. There aren’t any tangerines in North Carolina where she lives, and so if she buys tangerines, her carbon footprint is going up because they have to be shipped in using fossil fuels to get them to the market in North Carolina. Mrs. Edwards said, ”We’ve been moving back to ‘buy local,” Mrs. Edwards said, outlining a trade policy that ‘acknowledges the carbon footprint’ of transporting fruit. ‘I live in North Carolina. I’ll probably never eat a tangerine again,’ she said, speaking of a time when the fruit is reaches the price that it ‘needs’ to be. Edwards had talked about ‘sacrifice,’ at the meeting, but Elizabeth’s suggestion illustrated just how difficult it is to sell the specifics of sacrifice. Asked about her comment immediately after the event, John Edwards avoided the question twice, then said he isn’t sure. ‘Would I add to the price of food?’ he asked. ‘I’d have to think about that.” Who’s running for office here? Which one of these two is running for office? So she’s now says we’re not going to buy tangerines.
Folks, does this mean she’s not going to drink orange juice anymore? I don’t think there are oranges in North Carolina, are there? What if her children want orange juice? What the hell else is she not going to eat or buy because it doesn’t grow locally? (interruption) Exactly right. Excellent point, Mr. Snerdley! Where is the toilet paper plant in North Carolina? Is there one? We don’t know here at the EIB Network, but that is an interesting question.
RUSH: We are having more fun than human beings should be allowed to have here on the Excellence in Broadcasting Network. We got a drive-by caller named Tom, a trucker on the road in California, who said Elizabeth Edwards will depress the tangerine market. There will be less shipping of tangerines, truckers and growers will eventually go into poverty. Nope, that’s not what’s going to happen. What’s going to happen is somebody’s going to start buying up tangerines left and right and is going to the tangerine offset market. This is absurd, folks. It’s patently absurd. I really do wonder who is pulling the strings in that campaign and who’s actually running. There are more policy positions and statements coming out of her mouth than her mouth, meaning — well, that was a faux pas that’s right on the money.
RUSH: Jim in Wilmington, North Carolina, we go to you first on the phones today. It’s nice to have you with us.
CALLER: Thank you, Rush. I just wanted you to know, I live in North Carolina, and tonight I am instructing my wife to begin purchasing tangerines.
RUSH: Thataway, thataway. I love to hear that because we don’t want the tangerine market to plummet. We want it to prosper. We want the truckers that deliver them to burn lots of fossil fuel getting the tangerines to the market in North Carolina, attaway. Is your wife going to follow your instructions, or do you have that kind of marriage?
CALLER: No, I really don’t know if I have that kind of power, but I thought it would sound good on the radio.
RUSH: Oh, is she listening?
CALLER: No, but I’ll play it for her tonight on the computer.
RUSH: Does she listen to the program herself?
CALLER: Sometimes she does.
RUSH: Sometimes she does, yeah.
CALLER: She might be listening. I don’t know. I do think the liberals are going after Big Tangerine for some reason.
RUSH: It’s not about Big Tangerine. There is no Big Tangerine. There’s Big Citrus. This is pandering, this is pure pandering to the dummkopfs in the Democrat Party that think this is meaningful. Where are all the hurricanes, by the way? Did you see this? Before I go there, Jim, if she refuses, you go buy the tangerines.
CALLER: Last year I called you about the hurricanes because you predicted we would get a hurricane here in North Carolina.
CALLER: And I was worried because you’re never wrong.
CALLER: And we didn’t get a big one last year.
RUSH: Nobody did.
CALLER: So your percentage kind of went down, I think.
RUSH: Yeah, but I got it back during the rest of the year because the latest opinion auditing has shown that I’ve gained a tenth of a point in my accuracy.
CALLER: Okay, touché.
RUSH: Jim, if your wife refuses to go buy the tangerines, you go buy ’em.
CALLER: I’m sitting across from a grocery store right now. I might go in and get one for a snack.
RUSH: Yeah, best way to do it, go do it yourself, take them home, say, ‘Honey I was going to ask you to do this, but I was just right across the street, and I thought I’d do it myself.’
CALLER: (Laughing.) All right, thanks, Rush. A thrill to talk to you.
RUSH: Thank you so much. I appreciate it. (interruption) Pandering to women? You think what I just did was pandering to women? Well, I just know, it’s common sense. She could say, ‘You’re right across the street from a grocery store, honey, why are you telling me to go get ’em?'(interruption) No, I can’t say that this day and age. You can’t say, ‘because you’re the wife.’ You can, but it isn’t going to get you anywhere.
RUSH: Sophie in Cleveland, welcome to the EIB Network. Hello.
CALLER: Thank you, Rush, for taking my call.
CALLER: I wanted to thank you for some inspiration. I’m a pastry chef. And we always need new products to pull from — and I think tangerines would be an excellent source, and in a professional kitchen, you use a lot of products, so we’d be buying them by the case. The only problem is that on the menu we probably would have to name it, and we’d have to probably refer to it as citrus because as they with a liberal party, if somebody really knew what they were getting they probably wouldn’t buy it.
RUSH: Instead of doing that, if you’re going to create these delicious and tasteful, tasty desserts out of tangerines, why don’t you name it, like, the ‘Elizabeth Edwards Tangerine Tart’?
CALLER: The Elizabeth Special or something like that?
RUSH: No, you gotta put both names in there. The Elizabeth Edwards Tangerine Tart. What are you going to make these things out of?
CALLER: Probably something not too substantial.
RUSH: And make sure you overcharge for it.
CALLER: Oh, most definitely.
RUSH: Right. And the reason you’re overcharging is if they ever come along and sue you, you need to be able to buy insurance for your kitchen.
CALLER: Exactly, and I’m kind of opting not to use a crème brûlée because using a blowtorch can add to global warming on some level.
CALLER: I’d hate to do that.
RUSH: I think you ought to do just the opposite.
CALLER: Yeah, exactly.
RUSH: You could come up with some very creative menu names and ideas.
CALLER: Yeah, go all through the winter and, you know, it’s very versatile. And like I said, being that due to the volume, I’ll be purchasing by the case and they would be put well to use, in liberal fashion.
RUSH: Sophie, thanks for the call. I appreciate it. I love creative people.