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Rush Limbaugh

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RUSH: General Motors has swung to a net profit of $891 million or $1.56 a share on strong automotive revenue in key markets. Now, what changed with General Motors? What did General Motors do differently that led to this profit? They’ve been reporting losses for all too long. They have become an official sponsor of the EIB Network, ladies and gentlemen.

We want to take a moment here to congratulate General Motors on this. This is great for America. This is great for the EIB Network, and it’s great for Detroit, and it is great for General Motors. Along the same lines, consumer confidence hits a six-year high. The good news abounds here. ‘American consumers shrugging off a struggling housing market as jobs remained plentiful, became more confident in July and set a gauge of sentiment to a six-year high according to the conference board.’ They’re in New York. ‘Consumer confidence index rebounded to 112.6, its highest level since August 2001 when it recorded a 114.0 reading.’

There are a few stories oriented toward crisis and doom and gloom. ‘Nearly one-third of Baby Boomers ages 51 to 61 are at risk of not having enough money finance a comfortable retirement. That’s according to a study by the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College. … With its analysis, the center has joined the national debate over how much savings is enough…’ and never is it enough, folks, ‘… and has done so on the side that says there is a shortfall. ‘We just don’t believe people are saving too much,’ Alicia H. Munnell, a professor of management sciences at Boston College and director of the retirement research center.’ What does this matter? What does it matter that Boomers are not saving enough money? We’re all going to die any second anyway. We’ve got global warming out there, skin cancer, bowel cancer, stroke, heart attack, seizures, guilt. We got tainted meat pouring in from China. We got the bird flu. We got Bush leading the country. We got chief justices who pass out and foam at the mouth. We’ve got weak bones. We’ve got posttraumatic stress disorder; we’ve SUVs; we’ve got the GOP; we’ve got hurricanes, floods, heat waves; we got obesity. Who the hell needs a retirement plan? We can’t survive any of this. We’re all doomed.

Well, I forgot, yes, Baby Boomers, fear not because if you survive all of these plagues that I just listed, you can rely on your Social Security. However, how many of you out there consume the adult beverage known popularly as red wine? And how many of you in the process of consuming red wine have been told, ‘Hey, good for your heart. Look at the French. The French don’t die of heart attacks and they’re very thin people.’ The reason why they are is because they eat cheese with their wine, and the protein in the cheese cuts the release of insulin in half. Insulin is the biggest danger to people who don’t want to gain weight. But now those of you who have been consuming your red wine as much for health reasons perhaps as because you enjoy it, I have bad news. ‘A large glass of wine a day increases your risk of bowel cancer by 10%.’ (Laughing) Is this not amazing? ‘A study published yesterday suggests that a daily pint of beer or large glass of wine increases the risk of bowel cancer by 10%. Two pints or two large glasses of wine increases the risk by 25%.’ You don’t have to grab your ankles anymore, folks. Just drink the red wine or beer or whatever, and while you think you’re saving your heart and lowering your cholesterol, you’re getting bowel cancer out there.

I get so sick of all of this. Cancer, cancer, cancer, cholesterol, bone density, all the time, every day we are bombarded with all of this. We all want to be healthy, but, frankly, folks, I don’t know about you, I’m getting sick of being hounded and nagged and guilted by every little thing. When I die, I die. When I die because of a cause, the cause is going to be the cause. (interruption) Well, that’s right. That’s the next one. That’s exactly right. See, you might go out there and get bowel cancer. However, exercise and caffeine now combined can fight skin cancer, researchers say. ‘Mice that mix the stimulant, caffeine, with daily running, fight the cell damage caused by UV light better than animals that merely run or drink caffeine-laced water.’ Where do animals go to get caffeine-laced water? Is it in the jungle someplace? Is it in the wild? Are there animal bars that we don’t know about where they go on in to stoke up on caffeine? Starbucks. Anyway, if it’s not one thing, it is another.

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