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“You need to be reminded of something here: When one segment of the population is taxed, we are all taxed.”

“I remember when I was a kid; we could go to the store and get this bubble stuff — a little plastic stick with a circle on it. It was fun, but little did we know then that we were on the verge of personal destruction and danger with our bubble machine.”

“You know, the circus is going to be a problem — not because the lions and tigers might get loose and eat the kids, but because of Buster the Clown and his stupid little balloons.”

“Bill Plante of CBS shouted to Bush, ‘If Rove is so smart, how come you lost Congress?’ If I had been there, you know what I would have said? ‘Hey, Plante — if you’re so smart, how come Katie Couric is doing the CBS Evening News?’ Ingrates!”

“It’s routine now: the Breck Girl — John Edwards — is having his wife go out after his enemies. It’s like she’s a stage mother or something!”

“The only reason these liberals hate Rove is because he outsmarted them at nearly every turn. To them, they are the smartest people in the room, and to be outsmarted by rubes like Rove and Bush from Texas just offends them all to hell.”

“If these liberals think this has been a ‘conservative administration’ — whew! Can you imagine what they would do if somebody like me showed up?”

“One of the ways that you destroy a totalitarian regime is by trading with it, or introducing capitalism. So these tainted products that are coming in from China? Those are anomalies — unless the ChiComs are actually trying to kill our kids and our dogs.”

“How does John Edwards get his wife to talk mean to his foes? What a dude this guy must be! Can you imagine those Muslim terrorists, shaking in their assorted footwear when they think of an Edwards presidency?”

“That’s one of the great things about going to Las Vegas — you can go into a casino, light up your cigar, play, and everybody accepts it. It’s just cool.”

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