RUSH: Patty in Westchester County, up in New York, nice to have you on the phone. I’m glad you called.
CALLER: Thank you. Rush, why do you talk about your mistresses the way you do? I’ve heard you do it on several occasions. I don’t know if you’re joking or if you’re serious. I don’t understand it.
RUSH: (Laughing.) Jeez.
CALLER: Is it a joke?
RUSH: Let me ask you a question.
CALLER: Go ahead.
RUSH: Do you think that if I actually had mistresses — see, you’ve just — I can’t do anything. You’ve just taken the mystique out of it. Now I have to admit the joke.
CALLER: Oh, thank God.
RUSH: Do you think that if I actually had mistresses, I would be advertising it?
CALLER: Well, I thought it had to be a joke but then you’ve said it on several occasions and it drives me nuts.
RUSH: Why, do you want to be one?
CALLER: No. No. No. No. I just, you know, it doesn’t match the image that I have of you. I used to think you were the anti-Christ. Now I’ve grown to like you, and then you come up with things like this. It makes me nuts.
RUSH: Are you a feminist in any way?
RUSH: Okay. This explains it.
RUSH: This totally explains it. Well, not totally, but I mean partially. Well, put the timeline together. You used to think I was the anti-Christ.
RUSH: I mean, 666 and all that.
RUSH: And so you had to have had some liberal leanings back then, and —
CALLER: Oh, yes. Yes.
RUSH: I tend to believe that many women are rooted in feminism, so simple calculation on my part, logic.
CALLER: Well, I was definitely a child of the seventies and the whole, you know, seventies revolution. But I grew up!
RUSH: Yeah, I know. I met you people back in the seventies. Some of the most formative experiences in my life with women occurred when I was 21 and 22 in the early seventies, when the new era, modern era, of feminism was being born. You couldn’t compliment a woman on her appearance without her being insulted. ‘What about my brain?’
RUSH: They didn’t want the car door opened for them. Reading books by Susan Brownmiller on rape. I remember I had a date once with this woman and that’s all she wanted to talk about was how rape was a violent — I understand that, but this is not — and she made me go out and get the book and read it. So, anyway, you’ve evolved from that.
RUSH: How did that happen?
CALLER: I matured, and I had a child, and I moved out of California.
RUSH: Oh, so you moved out of California. Well, but you’re Westchester County.
RUSH: That’s not quite the city, but you’re still challenged, I would assume, by neighboring liberals.
CALLER: Absolutely, absolutely. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. But I’m learning from you. I’m a quick study.
RUSH: Obviously so. How long ago was it that you began to question or doubt? Have you noticed, by the way, Patty, how I’ve cleverly turned this conversation away from me back to you?
CALLER: I see that, but I’m reassured by your saying it was a joke. I’m trusting you on that, Rush.
RUSH: Of course it is. (Laughing)
CALLER: But why is that funny? Why is that funny?
RUSH: Because it worked, it worked. Look at you. You’re calling here asking me about it. ‘I can’t believe he’s saying that.’ You should tell me why isn’t it funny?
CALLER: Because you’re above that, especially if it’s true, which I’m glad it’s not, but you’re above that. At least I’d like to think you are.
RUSH: You know — (stuttering)
CALLER: (Laughing) I listen to the golf. I listen to the football. I listen to, you know, ‘This weekend we had steaks on the barbecue,’ and all that, and that’s fine. But it’s the mistresses that really pushes me over the edge.
RUSH: (Laughing.) So you have to tolerate the football.
RUSH: And the golf. (Laughing)
CALLER: And the golf.
RUSH: And steaks on the barbecue. (Laughing)
CALLER: Which is nice, I don’t mind hearing about having everybody over at the house and throwing the steaks on and having martinis. That’s in keeping with my image of you: cigars, martinis, drinks, barbecue. Not the mistresses. Even the cat. Even the cat!
RUSH: What about the cat?
CALLER: I’ve listened about the cat, you know, Punkin.
RUSH: Don’t tell me that that bothers you, too?
CALLER: No, it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s only the mistresses.
RUSH: By the way, I should tell you —
RUSH: — several of our Founding Fathers had mistresses.
CALLER: (Laughing.) Okay, so I see the category you’re putting yourself in now. (Laughing.)
RUSH: (Laughing.) I want to send you away here with no doubts whatsoever, Patty.
RUSH: Because I don’t want you troubled. I don’t want anybody in this audience troubled.
CALLER: Thank you.
RUSH: For all good comedy, for all humor that is executed perfectly and well done, there must be a grain of truth.
CALLER: I know! I know! What is the grain? Is there a friend in North Carolina that e-mailed you, is it an aunt, what is the grain? That’s what we need to know.
CALLER: But you’re not going to tell. I can tell by the way you’re laughing you’re not going to give it up.
RUSH: There’s nothing! (Laughing.) Ah, you’re cute. Uh, sorry, not supposed to say that.
CALLER: Oh, no, no, no, I’ve moved beyond feminism. You can tell me that all you want.
CALLER: All right.
RUSH: See what my normal reaction is? I mean, that’s my instinctive reaction based on the formative training of my early twenties dealing with women.
CALLER: And that’s a shame.
RUSH: It is. It’s a terrible shame. That’s why I have mistresses. No commitments necessary. (Laughing.)
CALLER: Stop it. Stop it. (Laughing.)
RUSH: Do you really think if I had mistresses I would be admitting it?
CALLER: You know, I don’t know for sure.
RUSH: Well, then how can you have this lofty image of me with such a chink in it?
CALLER: That’s why I’m calling.
RUSH: Trust your instincts.
CALLER: All right.
RUSH: Always trust your instincts.
CALLER: All right, but I’m going to keep an eye out. I’m listening.
RUSH: Well, I’m glad to know that you’re out there.
CALLER: Thank you.
RUSH: That’s an awful wifey thing to say.
RUSH: I gotta run, I gotta run, another time. I’ve enjoyed it. Thanks much.