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“Liberals lie. They just flat-out, freaking lie.”

“There you go, babes: you are nothing but victims. And so when Mrs. Clinton, ‘Sister Hillary’, stands up for herself, she’s standing up for you and all women. If you believe that, I have some Mikoto pearls for you. Or ‘Mikimoto’ pearls — whatever they are.”

“You’re frowning in there, Krehley, and you’re distracting me. This is supposed to be the happiest three hours of your day! Oh, your arm is in pain? Oh, okay. Well, I won’t ask what you’ve been doing with it.”

“Well, let’s keep you updated on the behind-the-scenes goings-on here at the EIB Network: Mr. Snerdley has completed his suspension. However, I think he’s angry with me. He called in sick today. Uh-huh.”

“Whoopi Goldberg said that she would like to — look, I’m just going to tell you what she said– ‘do’ Nancy Pelosi and her husband in a troika. And, of course, Pelosi had the frozen smile on her face: ‘Hee, hee, hee.'”

“Hey, Steve! How are you? Such an honor to follow The Wiggles or whatever they are.”

“Media Matters may as well be the executive and the line producers for MSNBC’s primetime. If Media Matters went out of business, MSNBC primetime would have to go dark.”

“Republicans are having arguments now: ‘I’m more conservative than he is; I’m the real conservative.’ Over on the Democrat side, can you name anyone who’s saying, ‘I’m the real liberal here?’ No! None of them are!”

“We had a story about a woman who hosts a talk show on Err America… I’m not going to mention her name to protect her. She is literally insane, and the more people find out about her the more people will know that she’s — you know — ready for the funny farm.”

“My parents would not believe this congressional smear of me. I wish they could know what all is happening to their son and what he’s causing.”

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