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“Henry Waxman is a guy that would make me turn off my high-definition TV.”

“I have an announcement to make: Apple corporate called. No, it was not Algore. I’m not going to mention the gentleman’s name because the Mac user community that hates me will probably start bombarding this guy.”

“One of the most insidious elements of liberalism is how it poisonsthe minds of people into believing that because they are Americans, they are entitled to be taken care of by other Americans.”

“Snerdley, I would have already been through the next sound bite by now if you hadn’t interrupted me on this. In fact, I keep getting e-mails: ‘Can you tell Snerdley to quit interrupting you?'”

“Mrs. Clinton reminds men of the worst characteristics of women they’ve encountered over the years: totally controlling, not soft and cuddly, not sympathetic, and then — with the flick of a switch — all of the sudden she’s a victim of evil men. She’s a classic manipulator.”

“More New York Times interview requests for their website, H.R.? See what happens when you reach out? We’re best buds now. And I did not cross the aisle — they’re coming to my side of the aisle. Hee, hee, hee!”

“The fear of the Clintons people have is palpable. It was no lie that they had people’s FBI files; they have a network of people that can bring a world of hurt to people that get out of line.”

“That’s a good point: baseball players today arerich. And who are the rich? They are people who cheat, steal, scheme, and don’t pay their fair share. So it’s time to go after Roger Clemens. Plus, he is from Bush’s state: Texas.”

“Mrs. Clinton’s testicle lockbox is big enough for the entire Democrat hierarchy, not just some people in the media. And whether or not they have been taking steroids and their testicles are smaller than usual, doesn’t matter.”

“It’s Jane Fonda, Snerdley; why are you looking for a point? We don’t play Jane Fonda sound bites because they make any sense.”

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