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“The Democrat debate is tonight. It’s the first one of these things I actually care to watch, so I will — after Ocean’s Thirteen on Blu-ray, HD.”

“The bottom line is, after getting pummeled in the press and in the polls, Mrs. Clinton capitulated. You know, it’s a good thing she won’t meet with our enemies — God only knows what she’d give away within the course of one meeting.”

“Tim Russert has to be smiling now; I hope he is. He may be the first guy in the Drive-By Media to be smeared by a Clinton and emerge as the clear victor in just a matter of days. And in that, he joins me.”

“I, too, have been smeared by Clinton, Inc. and Harry Reid, Inc. and have emerged victorious and shining. Now I’m the Johnny Appleseed of American Politics, planting seeds of truth that are sprouting throughout our glorious country.”

“Billy, you are getting contentious with me for no reason. I have done nothing but show you calm, reasoned respect, and here you are lashing out at me. You sound like you’re filled with hate today.”

“I can’t help but go back to 1969 and the beginning of the modern era of feminism. All I heard was: ‘Don’t open the door for me. And if you’re going to buy me a book, go out and buy a book on rape and read it yourself so you understand what a vile predator you can be.”

“You have to put up with a lot of grief when you go check in at the airport — and it’s kind of embarrassing to watch some 80-year-old grandmother get strip-searched — but, you know, it is what it is.”

“Somebody needs to ask Bill Clinton this question: ‘Bill, why should we vote for this woman, your wife, if you yourself felt you couldn’t be loyal to her during your long marriage?'”

“That question was ‘hitting below the belt’? Does it evoke sympathy for Mrs. Clinton? Okay, Dawn says, ‘I still wouldn’t vote for her, but I just don’t think you need to say that.’ Well, I think it’s brilliant.”

“Hillary Clinton is like a child of the sixties: Her answers are always blowing in the wind.”

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