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Rush’s Morning Update: Make It Count!
June 27, 2008

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Those of you worried about the election, or about manmade global warming, forget it! You’ve got bigger problems, and you don’t have a lot of time to prepare.

In August, the world’s most powerful particle collider comes online near the border of Switzerland and France. The Large Hadron Collider is a ring of supercooled magnets 17 miles in circumference, built underground. Its purpose is to smash atoms. Scientists hope to discover amazing things once the atoms get whacked like “invisible matter,” so-called dark matter. Maybe even an extra dimension in space.

But don’t let that happy science talk fool you. Critics warn that turning this thing on might lead to an Armageddon-type disaster! The collider could spawn a black hole, which would swallow up the whole Earf. Poof! We’re gone. Or it could release particles that could melt the planet – and us, of course, right along with it.

The collider-science guys dismiss these predictions but they’re not being made by your run-of-the-mill kooks. One critic, Walter L. Wagner, a lawyer and a physicist, has filed a lawsuit here in the States to stop this thing before it’s too late. He says there’s a “significant risk” that there might be “unintended consequences which could ultimately result in the destruction of our planet.”

So there you go. Settle your personal business; update your wills. Do all the things that you need to do to prepare for imminent demise. Call the newspapers so they can put headlines in there. You’ve got until August, so make it count, folks.

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