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“Believe me: The more people sitting on their ass with their hands out, the better the country is — as far as the Democrats are concerned.”

“My voice is back all the way today, and I want to thank all of you for all of the suggestions, like: ‘Drop a tube in boiling water and sniff it for a couple minutes making sure not to burn your face.’ But I didn’t do any of that, folks, because I know myself.”

“John McCain has compared ANWR to the Grand Canyon. ANWR is a moonscape! I mean, they wouldn’t play an NFL championship game in ANWR! They would in Green Bay, but they wouldn’t in ANWR.”

“You owe it to the electorate, Senator McCain, to start talking honestly and openly about your complete public record — rather than cherry-picking what you want to say. Talk about how proud you are of the Gang of 14, campaign finance reform, and voting against two major tax cuts.”

“Once they start talking stimulus package — once the government starts talking about giving things away — just bend over and grab the ankles. Understand it’s an election year, and in December you might be able to stand back up.”

“Barack, you’re being targeted because you represent a threat to Mrs. Clinton’s diabolical quest to reclaim power. At some point you can’t just sit there and take this stuff.”

“Since I’m on this roll, let me also say that the Clintons have done nothing to deserve the support of women. Bill Clinton himself is a womanizer and a woman abuser, for crying out loud! Can you imagine what would happen if he were a Republican?”

“The next time you’re at a sporting event and there’s a flyby of military jets, understand that oil is producing that roar. Yes: The noise you hear in that flyby is the sound of your freedom.”

“There’s one way to eliminate coal: nuclear power plants. ‘We can’t go nuclear, Mr. Limbaugh! Didn’t you see The China Syndrome?’ So we’re not going to go nuclear because of a Jane Fonda movie?”

“I don’t care what they do — I will always be on the air somewhere, even if it is announcing departures at the bus station. I will be behind a microphone somewhere.”

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