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“The first one hundred days of Obama’s presidency are going to be a doozy. I’m warning you now: You haven’t seen anything like it.”

“I made fun of the Somali pirates yesterday because they have$100 million in hijacked cargo and they’re asking for a ransom of $10 million. But now they’ve upped the ransom to $25 million, so apparently Somali pirates listen to this program.”

“It’s a little childish here to sit here and whine and moan about the kind of people that the most leftist, radical, inexperienced Democrat ever elected to the presidency is going to appoint. I mean, this is what happens when they win and we lose.”

“Look at elements of the New Deal — such as Social Security — and ask yourself: ‘Are they successful?’ Because Obama wants to take them even further.”

“Have you ever deep fried your turkey? The turkey doesn’t dry out — it’s delicious. That’s how all the people in the know do it.”

“Somebody asked me yesterday, ‘Let’s assume that Hillary Clinton is secretary of state; what’s your reaction to it?’ I said, ‘I can’t believe she would take it. I don’t know how she can undermine Obama from the State Department.'”

“Arnold Schwarzenegger has gone nuts on this green stuff, and I think I know why: He starred in a movie, once, where he saved Mars from an ecological disaster. Remember that?”

“If anybody thinks that Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Chris Dodd, and Barney Frank know the first thing about running the automobile industry, then they deserve what they’re going to get.”

“The stock market’s plunging, but Barack Obama could solve a lot of this with one tiny little paragraph: ‘Given current economic conditions, my administration will not seek, nor will I sign, legislation that raises taxes for the foreseeable future.’ Markets would soar, the recovery would begin, and hell itself would freeze over.”

“Nobody can be ‘bailed out’. All that does is delay the eventual day of reckoning.”

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