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“Had this guy thrown his shoe at Saddam Hussein, he would have been shot five minutes later. Long live freedom; long live democracy.”

“Here is Colin Powell telling the Republican Party what to do — after he voted for Obama! I know what really has Colin Powell upset; it’s because I said his endorsement of Obama was about race, and I’m not supposed to say those things.”

“As long as you are a Republican who buys into an endless array of liberal causes — like global warming and amnesty for illegals and a fetish for compromising principles — then the media are going to love you.”

“The Bernard Madoff Ponzi scheme pales in comparison to the largest, existing one in the entire world: Social Security.”

“Was Abraham Lincoln great because he sought compromise during the Civil War, or was he great because he insisted on total and complete victory? You know, great people take stands on principle, not moderation.”

“I thought it was all going to get better with Obama. I thought sea levels were going to recede and the ice was going to start freezing again and our athletes were not going to be shooting themselves in the thigh in nightclubs at one o’clock in the morning.”

“Rachel, you’re a mom — are you telling your kids how tough times are out there? You are? Social services will be knocking on your door soon for causing trauma.”

“There is no transcript: it’s Barney Frank. You cannot understand what he’s saying anyway. That’s the whole point, ladies and gentlemen.”

“Once I was at a college football game, and I looked up at the student section and some guy was flipping me the bird — so I flipped him back! I did! I had a big smile on my face as I flipped him back, and a state trooper from Nebraska came up and said, ‘I saw it. He started it. You are in the clear.'”

“I was thinking, you know, what a charmed, blessed life that I have, to be able to do this. I mean, football, you people… it’s a passion.”

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