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“The truth doesn’t matter in politics; not in this moment. It has in the past, and it may in the future, but right now, it doesn’t.”

“A suggestion for Roland Burris, who Dingy Harry doesn’t want anywhere near the Senate: Congressman Burris, or whatever your title is, if Harry Reid will not seat you, go to Denny’s — Denny’s will seat you if Harry Reid will not.”

“Conservatism doesn’t need to be ‘redefined’ and doesn’t need to be ‘rebranded’. It needs to be used, but the Republican Party refuses to use it.”

“Peace is not the result of doctors, nurses, words, clean water, toothbrushes, or Habitat for Humanity building rickety houses that collapse in ten years. Peace is the result of victory: one side winning and one side losing.”

“Obama was a hoax. His whole campaign was a hoax! He’s no different than Bernie Madoff, except he shot higher than Madoff. Madoff shot for $50 billion; Obama’s shooting for $1 trillion.”

“Campaigns of grievance don’t get you anywhere, but they do pad your fundraising.”

“Dingy Harry Reid said that the appointment of Roland Burris himself is tainted because of Blagojevich being tainted. Now, if that’s true, how is it that Barack Obama is not tainted by Tony Rezko?”

“Look, you Republicans better understand something: You had the candidate you wanted. You had the moderate who was going to go out and get minorities. You had a moderate who was going to say the Republican Party is not what it’s always been. And look what happened: You tanked.”

“Well, Caroline Kennedy looks like she’s going to be appointed to the Senate by the unelected governor of New York. And they say Bush was not legitimate.”

“Admit it, my friends: It’s very comforting to hear me back behind the Golden EIB Microphone. And it’s wonderful for me to be here with you, too, knowing that you are happy to have me back.”

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