Rush Limbaugh

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RUSH: Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement. I have begun an exercise regime. (interruption) Yes, I’m going to make the announcement. I just did it. It’s too late to take it back now, Snerdley. I have begun an exercise regimen. I started it Saturday and I did it on my own with no prodding. I was under no duress. I was sitting in my library. We just got a couple new pieces of equipment over there in the gym, and I usually get it for guests and so forth. I said, ‘I’m going to go over there and use it.’ So I got on the treadmill, and I did…well, 35 minutes. (interruption) There is not film of this. You’re going to have to take my word for it. I did 35 minutes, including a five-minute cool down but got the top speed up to four miles an hour, top incline at two and a half or three. I got the heart rate up to 130 beats and held it there for ten minutes, and went back six hours later and did it again.

So a total on Saturday of probably four miles on the treadmill, and I had college football on whiling away the tedium and the boredom. On Sunday, prior to the start of the NFL games, I went over and did the same thing: Another two miles, top speed four miles per hour, incline got it up to two-and-a-half or three, whatever it was, heartbeat 130 minutes. And resumed the regimen today, another… Ditto. I mean, same routine: 35 minutes, about two miles; top speed, four miles an hour — and I’m going to do it again when I get home. I have a meeting after work. I’ll do it before having dinner when I get home tonight. I announced this to the staff mere moments ago, and Snerdley thinks that I have just betrayed one of my core principles. (laughing) No. It’s not a joke. It’s not. In fact, I gotta tell you: I was watching Fox & Friends this morning while I was on the treadmill.

I got up at 7:15 and I was over there at 7:20, and I got finished at eight o’clock. I’m watching Fox & Friends, and I’ve got the closed-captioning on because the treadmill makes a lot of noise. I can’t hear it even if I turn it up loud. And they have got this interview with a postal union chief in Dallas. Now, apparently — and allow me to get some of this wrong because I caught this in the middle of it. But it was Steve Doocy, who is hilarious, and Kilmeade. These guys are huge comedy routine, and they’re talking to this union chief, this postal worker union chief. Apparently a lot of postal workers in Dallas are spending all day on what is called ‘standby time.’ They’re just not doing anything, they’re just ‘standing by.’ They’re just there.

You know, while there are lines for people who want to buy stamps or whatever they do at the post office. And so Doocy and Kilmeade are asking — this guy’s name is Larry — ‘What can we do about this, Larry? What?’ (laughing) This guy Larry says, ‘We’re doing everything we can here. My union is working hard on this standby time,’ and I’m just laughing myself silly. It was the fastest five minutes on the treadmill I’ve ever spent because Doocy and Kilmeade couldn’t have cared less. It was a comedy routine, and this guy was taking the question very seriously: ‘What can we do about this, Larry?’ (laughing) Fox News says, ‘What can we do about postal workers on standby time?’ Just keep the guns out of their hands, for one thing. Ah! I take it back. Sorry. Just a lighthearted, jocular moment. Now, ladies and gentlemen, one more thing about the exercise regimen: I have not betrayed any belief.

This has nothing to do with my diet, zilch, zero, nada. It will not make me lose weight. In fact, what’s happening is I’m getting hungrier after I do this — and so to ward that off what I’m doing is chugging a little bit more fluid, a little bit more water. This treadmill has a calorie counter. You put your weight in there, and put your hands occasionally on the little handlebar in front of you and it gives you a heart rate. That’s how… Oh, you know what that is. Ha, ha, ha. I’m sorry. You all know how they work. I’m sorry. I think I’ve discovered something new. Well, anyway, it says that I’m burning about 300 calories in this half hour. Now, I know full well that two deep breaths and I’ll regain the 300 calories. I have not betrayed anything.

This has nothing to do with losing weight, nothing whatsoever to do with losing weight. It has to do with heart health. It has to do with overall physical health. It has nothing to do with losing weight. It’s not part of the regimen. I have demonstrated and proven, I did zip, zero, nada exercise; I lost all that weight fairly rapidly. So I just wanted to come clean about this and admit it. Snerdley, as I say, thinks that I’ve committed a huge betrayal here to a core principle and a core principle. (interruption) No, Snerdley. The betrayal would be, you know, I’ve added to my weight loss regimen, exercise. That would be a betrayal. But I’m not doing it to lose weight because I know it isn’t going to make me lose any weight. In fact, I could gain weight. If I ate like I used to and did this, I would gain weight. I understand this. This is not about that. It’s going to be a tough day for people, I understand it. We have… (interruption) No missile shield, that’s right. No missile shield. We have exposed ourselves and our buddies to the Soviets again. We are letting all the communist thug dictators into the UN but we’re keeping the legitimate president of Honduras out. We’re making nice with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Jimmy Carter has doubled down. The National Hemorrhoid has doubled down on racism as the primary reason for Obama being criticized, and now I come along and announce an exercise regimen. I can understand if America is profoundly confused today.


RUSH: I just got a funny e-mail from a friend of mine who is shocked and stunned at the announcement that I have begun an exercise regimen. ‘Exercise Warning!’ is the subject line in the e-mail. ‘Dear Rush: Be careful here, pal. It will increase your appetite for food and sex. Exercising in the gym oftentimes leads to exercising in bed. As you well know, exercising does not lead to weight loss. It leads to more bedroom time and if you’re not careful, Rush Babies — authentic Rush Babies. A friendly warning. Budget your time accordingly.’ By the way, folks, I have put a warning on the treadmill. I’m following suit. You may remember a monologue of two weeks ago or so when I had one of these stories that exercising had nothing to do with weight loss. I put a sign. There’s a sign to the treadmill. I see it right there on the handlebars. ‘Warning: This machine could cause weight gain’ Because it does. It enhances your appetite out there. It just does. So all kinds of helpful hints are coming in.

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