Rush Limbaugh

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RUSH: Oh, man, folks. Get this. When you were a kid in the park, the playground, and somebody said something that ticked some kid off, the other kids would say, ‘Hey, it’s a free country, it’s a free country, I can say whatever I want. Back off. Lighten up.’ I doubt kids say that to each other anymore. ‘Hey, it’s a free country.’ I have a story here from the San Francisco Chronicle: ”Michael Jordan Caught Smoking’ — San Francisco is asking basketball superstar Michael Jordan to snuff out the cigars, after he was caught on the front page of The Chronicle’s Sporting Green breaking the city’s ban on smoking on public golf courses. City officials sprang into action after seeing the full-color photo Tuesday of the NBA Hall of Famer enjoying a good cigar while teeing off.’ He was not teeing off. I saw the picture. He was in a sand trap. How could anybody look at that picture and see sand flying out of the trap and think he’s hitting a tee shot?

At any rate, they sprang into action after seeing a full color photo of Jordan ‘enjoying a good cigar while teeing off at Harding Park’s 14th hole during a Presidents Cup practice round. In an interview with PGATour.com, Jordan was asked how many cigars he planned to smoke during this week’s tournament. ‘Well,’ Jordan replied, ‘that depends, because I heard this is a public place, so they limit what you can smoke. I’m not even supposed to be smoking, but this was a practice round and no one said anything.’ If he is permitted to smoke, Jordan said, ‘I would say (it’s) a three-cigar round. I would try to keep it at a minimum of three.’ And what is the city’s response? ‘You mean about Spare the Air Jordan?’ said Recreation and Park General Manager Phil Ginsburg. ‘I’ve already sent off an e-mail to the PGA Tour director,’ Ginsburg said. ‘It was sort of a gentle nudge reminding them that smoking is illegal and that we would appreciate their support.”

The fine’s a hundred bucks here when you get caught for doing this, and the city attorney spokesman Matt Dorsey said, ‘Don’t expect me to ask Jordan for the money.’ ‘But, Rush, but, Rush, it is a city ordinance.’ It’s stupid! We are talking about a golf course. You know, I was at Heinz Field on Sunday night for the Steelers-Chargers and I’ve been to Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, Nebraska, to see Nebraska football games. I’ve been to a lot of stadiums, I’m sure you have, too. I’m sitting in the NBC booth on the 50 yard line, and I’m looking at the end zone, and there’s just smoke all over the place wafting all through the stands, wafting all up to the scoreboard, I said, ‘What the hell is that?’ It was a concession stand and they were grilling something out there, burgers, hot dogs, whatever the hell it was. It smelled great, by the way. I love the smell of ballparks. The only thing you can’t smell at a ballpark anymore is a good cigar. I used to go to Busch Stadium when I was a kid, Dad would take my brother and I up there and we would walk in there and just the aromas of the guys sitting there smoking the cigars and the hot dogs and everything. It was fabulous.

I’m looking out there, and literally, folks, this is thick smoke. At its thickest you can’t see through it. And I said, ‘Certainly somebody’s going to go down there and make ’em stop this.’ I’ve seen the same thing at Memorial Stadium in Lincoln, Nebraska. I said, ‘Why doesn’t anybody stop this?’ and then I got to thinking, if one person lit up a cigarette or a cigar, the police would be summoned in five seconds to head down there, frog march ’em out or what have you, and probably half the people around the guy who lit the cigarette or cigar would go get the cop. Meanwhile, the concession stand can put all that smoke out there and nobody says a word. It’s idiotic. So here’s Michael Jordan, who’s smoking a cigar on a golf course — the average golf course, folks, is huge, and this one is. ‘But, Rush, but, Rush, it’s a public park.’ I know this is a public park and these are stupid Nanny State rules. You add to this that they are raising tax revenue on the sale of tobacco products to fund health care programs for kids.

If you can’t use a product that you can buy, you’re not going to buy it or you’re going to break the law using it somehow. These clowns are making it impossible for the most law-abiding among us to not break the law, to enjoy your damn life and enjoy your damn day. You’re playing in a practice round in a President’s Cup, you smoke a cigar, and the San Francisco Chronicle and the city go nuts. And now you’ve got Kathleen Sebelius saying you must take the pig flu vaccine, you must take it. Screw you, Mrs. Sebelius, I am not going to take it precisely because you’re now telling me I must. It’s not your role, it’s not your responsibility, and you do not have that power. I don’t want to take your vaccine. I don’t get flu shots. I’m not going to mess around with them. ‘You must,’ she says. And then Napolitano over at Homeland Security, she’s told Joe Arpaio to stop it. You can’t conduct raids to find illegals. If an illegal happens to make himself available as an illegal, Arpaio could do something about it, but the raids have gotta stop.

So we cannot have raids to find lawbreakers. We are going to have all kinds of mess here with Sebelius saying you must take the pig flu vaccine. No, we don’t. How are they going to make me take it, Snerdley? Wait ’til they get control of my health care? That’s not going to happen ’til 2013. Sebelius is saying today, you gonna take it. How are they going to make me take it if I refuse to take it? What is this, you must take it? Who the hell do these people think they are? You must take it? You know, I’m a contrarian, I’m a nonconformist, you have some idiot government official telling me I must take this vaccine? I’ll never take it. You must turn out the lights at certain times of the year; you must change your lightbulbs; you must eventually drive a certain kind of car. Have you heard about this Japanese airline? I mean the news out there, it’s almost like David Letterman is writing the script for the news.

Did you see Letterman last night, by the way? I didn’t either. But good old Cookie somehow saw Letterman. We had our 15-minute dropout yesterday on the phone line, but I didn’t know about it for a couple minutes I guess, and the Dittocam is still on, so I’m viewed by people on the Dittocam, I’m just yapping away, but there’s no audio. Letterman plays that and says I’m funnier without the sound, and then he goes in and starts attacking Sarah Palin again.

And yet I’m reading all over the place how I don’t matter. I’ve got David Brooks saying I’m irrelevant. I got Howard Kurtz today echoing Brooks, I’m irrelevant, and yet I’ve got the government preparing to make a law to shut me up, yet I’m irrelevant. I don’t speak to anybody, I don’t have any influence, nobody votes because of what I say, and yet they can’t stop talking about me. And the Congress can’t stop focusing on me and all of my brethren. So we got this Japanese airline requiring people to go to the toilet before they get on board to reduce weight so that they can save fuel. They want you to go in and eliminate your waste. I’ve got the story right here. Airline asks passengers to use toilet before boarding so they weigh less and help cut carbon emissions. The Japanese airline started asking passengers to go to the toilet. ‘All Nippon Airways (ANA) reasons that empty bladders means lighter passengers, which in turn means lighter aircraft and lower fuel use.’ I’m not making this up, and I’m going to tell you something, I’m looking at a picture of the paint job of an All Nippon Airways jet. Why don’t you strip the paint off the thing? I’ll guarantee you the weight of the paint on your stupid jets weighs far more than the waste yet to be eliminated in the bodies of your passengers. It’s insane out there!


RUSH: So Canal Fulton, Ohio. This is Mary. I’m glad you called. You’re up first. Welcome to the program.

CALLER: Hi, Rush. Hey, I want to ask you to rethink your refusal to get the swine flu vaccine because I’m thinking that they know that if they tell you you have to get it, they know that you won’t get it just to spite them, and then you’ll get the swine flu and then what will all the rest of us do?

RUSH: Look, I have a healthy ego. It’s not out of control like Obama’s, but I actually don’t think that that dork, Kathleen Sebelius, is playing a mind game with me. I don’t think she’s saying, ‘You must take it,’ knowing full well I won’t and then I will get the flu.

CALLER: Well, mom always said, ‘Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face,’ so just be careful out there.

RUSH: Look, see, I’m not seeing these mass deaths from the swine flu — I’m sorry, I really don’t want to insult the pork business, from the H1N1 virus. All I see is a bunch of typical government panic and hype. Remember the bird flu. Remember the monkey flu. Remember the pig flu of four years ago. Every year some disaster is going to wipe us all out, and the life expectancy keeps going up. I’ve never had a flu shot in my life. (interruption) Approaching the threshold of what? What threshold am I approaching? The age threshold, oh, is that right? The age threshold. Then why are they closing schools in panic? This one hits the young harder, huh? That’s right. Then why are you even telling me about the age threshold? Well, you know, I really can’t relate. Even some of my own staff here are now warning me against my obstinance here.

Let me ask you a question. Who put the notion that you gotta have this shot or whatever the hell the vaccine is, who put the notion in your head that you gotta do it? Government did. The Obama government, to be specific. One of my fervent objectives and goals before I do move to New Zealand and start spending everything I have before they take it away from me, is to convince as many people as possible that the damn government is not God, and nobody in it even comes close to being as competent as you are to run your life. And yet, ‘Oh, my God, the government report says –‘ Next time you hear ‘the government says,’ don’t believe it. You’ll be healthier. Trust me.

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