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“I feel like I’m in a James Bond movie. Ernst Stavro Blofeld has taken over the UN, the best spy that we have, me, is headed for the gulag, and Eric Holder holds the key.”

“If I went to the United Nations and made a speech and Moammar Khadafy praised it, I’d really question myself.”

“I would describe what Obama is doing to this country as basically a coup. It’s just frightening. He talks about a New World Order, and the New World Order is him. Obama is bigger than his country, bigger than the presidency — he is the world.”

“So there’s David Axelrod saying that the first obligation of the president is to keep the American people safe. No, the first obligation of this president is to make sure our enemies are not offended!”

“Israel, that poor, struggling little nation, surrounded by enemies, poses such a great threat to the innocent and harmless Palestinians — people who put bombs on their four-year-olds and send them into crowds to die for Allah. And yet Israel is the problem to Obama.”

“The purpose of a pre-interview is not to find out what you’d like to talk about;it’s to find out what irritates you. I know this is true, so I purposely acted like I was being goaded so that the Leno people will ask me things I want to be asked. You can’t trick old El Rushbo!”

“Moammar Khadafy also said that the swine flu is not a big threat, but that there is a coming fish flu. Now, this man is a kook. He is a literal freak. But here’s the thing: he is inspired by Barack Obama.”

“Early on in this program’s existence, I said that I thought Amy Carter was the most unattractive presidential daughter, and my mother called me that night: ‘You can’t say that! People are not going to take you seriously! Besides, you forgot about Margaret Truman.’ My mother was a natural comedian.”

“I’m going to say this as often as I have to for it to sink in: Barack Hussein Obama is a man who has made no contribution whatsoever that has furthered this nation’s advancement. Instead, he constantly tears down this country. He is disrespectful to the American people and all who have come before us.”

“The purpose of the Clinton Global Initiative is babes. They gather in New York — Clinton and his posse — have their meetings in the daytime, and then they hit the town.”

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