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RUSH: Let’s just get to the Tiger Woods stuff first. Rather than tell you what I thought of it — because I am more fascinated with the reactions I got from men who watched this versus women. It is stunning. It is hilariously stunning, and as one who studies the human condition, sometimes my life is spent outside of everybody else’s, I just cast myself aside here and observe everybody else living theirs and this is sorta one of those occasions. You know, I recognized the rehab confessional portion here, I recognized the anger, I recognized the scripted nature of it. I’ve been watching some of these loco weeds, these sports media people who think they’re God’s gift to intelligence analyzing all this, and one of them said, ‘Well, you know what, there are no business partners in the room. That’s a very risky move for Tiger not to bring some business partners.’ How do we know that? We didn’t see.

That audience, by the way, am I looking at a Frank Luntz polling group? I said to myself, folks, you asked, you want to know, ‘Did they not want to put any attractive women in the front row just as a safety precaution?’ Ahem. Ahem. Ahem. All right. Where was I? This idiot sports guy. Of course he’s not going to put any business partners in the audience. He’s not going to let it be reported that that’s what this was about. The business discussions with sponsors is going on behind the scenes with his agent and PR team and all of that. Two audio sound bites of media analysis. First, the ABC News team of George Stephanopoulos, Robin Roberts, Christine Brennan and Chris Connelly were totally bowled over.

STEPHANOPOULOS: One of the most remarkable public apologizes ever by a public figure.

RUSH: Stop the tape. (imitating Clinton) ‘I did not have sex with that woman, not a single time, never, Ms. Lewinsky. And I never asked anybody to lie, not a single time. Now, I gotta get back to work for the American people.’ George Stephanopoulos knows his remarkable public apologies.

STEPHANOPOULOS: One of the most remarkable public apologies ever by a public figure.

ROBERTS: Do you think he indeed has changed? Because I do.

BRENNAN: That is a very different Tiger Woods than we have ever seen before. It was almost breathtaking in terms of how different this man is from that image that everyone knows on a golf course.

RUSH: Stop the tape. That’s Christine Brennan. Now, Christine Brennan, I think, wrote a piece today urging no legitimate sportswriter to attend this thing because it was a Soviet-like controlled press conference. Now, even she was bowled over by it now after urging people not to go. Up next is Chris Connelly.

CONNELLY: He was abject in his apology. He looked like a broken man.

STEPHANOPOULOS: No question about it. A remarkable performance from Tiger Woods.

RUSH: Okay, so ABC’s put in their dibs for an interview. ABC has made it clear that they’re going to give Tiger a free pass and maybe Stephanopoulos wants to play a round of golf with him. Never know. Up next, David Feherty, CBS. David Feherty is hilarious. David Feherty is a great, great golf analyst on CBS. Here’s what he had to say, this was on CBS after the Tiger presser.

FEHERTY: There are a lot of people who wanted to hear a lot more. There are a lot of people who wanted to ask questions. But, you know, this is a private citizen. He’s not a John Edwards. The American public doesn’t pay his wages.

RUSH: Stop the tape and recue that. Now, I know what he means when he says he’s not John Edwards. It means he’s not a political person. But the public does pay his wages. Where do you think Nike gets the money to pay him? Where do you think all these endorsers get the money to pay him? It’s by selling stuff to the public. The public does pay his wages. (interruption) Well, no, not by force of law. What the hell does that have to do with it? We’re talking free market here versus the public sector. But why did Accenture and some of these other people cancel him if it’s no big deal? They did not want to alienate their customer base. You know me, folks, I’m Mr. Precision. I’m not trying to correct or argue with Feherty here, who I like and who I know. Okay, here’s the rest of what Feherty said.

FEHERTY: There are a lot of people who wanted to hear a lot more. There are a lot of people who wanted to ask questions. But, you know, this is a private citizen. He’s not a John Edwards. The American public doesn’t pay his wages. He didn’t have to do this, and there’s a sense of frustration among the media here, you know, they didn’t get to ask, you know, those questions, but I was very impressed with what he said. Tiger Woods wrote that himself. Those were his words, and I think that’s very important. It’s the first time that we’ve seen him make himself vulnerable in that way. And it gives us an indication that, you know, maybe he’ll come back and we’ll get to know Tiger Woods a little better.

RUSH: Okay, so there’s just a sample there of media reaction. I have no comment on it; I just want you to hear it. But I do want to share with you, I’ve put together a compendium here, reactions from women as they watched this and let me know and reactions from men. And in both instances I was feeding them responses to goad them into further being honest. In other words, I was being Mr. Provocateur in order to extract the truth from them if they were holding anything back. So are you ready for the female compendium? All right, here we go: ‘He is full of bleep, I’m afraid.’ ‘This is Clinton 2.’ ‘This is me, me, me badly written.’ ‘Yep, Kobe Bryant 101.’ ‘You can’t play The Family Guy card now, you know, Tiger. It’s a little late for that.’ ‘Boy, his PR team screwed it again. Pull the plug, oh, Lord he’s bringing in religion.’ ”Cause you were a selfish SOB sticking it to your first sponsor that screwed you. He’s a P-word.’

‘I knew this would steam me. Completely selfish.’ ‘It’s the start of the comeback tour. If I were Elin, I’d be even more angry. If I were Elin I’d come out and do an I’m sorry for him being sorry, press conference of my own.’ ‘Well, first he shouldn’t have said much. Second, demanding people don’t bother his family after he screwed them over, that’s annoying. Third, he didn’t seem very sincere at all. Fourth, self-centered, still somewhat arrogant. A simple statement with a few lines, being human with faults like everybody else, did wrong, is working on it, would have been much, much better.’ ‘The only lesson taught is do what you want and then apologize big time.’ ‘More interested in blaming others than actually saying he screwed up,’ blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, ‘by the way, does he have a girlfriend in rehab, is that why he wants to get back there?’ That’s the female response. (laughing) I mean it’s vicious. It is vicious.

Now from the men: ‘Sir, he sounded and looked like a hostage who was being forced to read stuff.’ ‘This is a pretty remarkable statement. It has to be narcissistic, doesn’t it, he has to talk about himself.’ ‘Oh, no. Buddhism. Oh, no. Sounds like a completely broken guy to me and I’m a little more sympathetic than I thought I would be.’ (interruption) Can’t believe. Oh, no. Well, what would Tiger have said that woulda resonated with any woman? It’s not aimed at women anyway. His audience is 99% male. ‘Time and sincerity, we’re forgiving people, at least most people are. This will work out okay.’ What else we got? I need to scroll down here to find others. I’m using a remote mouse. ‘You know, I always try to put myself in another person’s shoes if I’m judging ’em, and if I were his wife there’s no way I’d stay married to him. That said, I don’t know what else he could have said at this press conference. As for narcissism, I don’t think that’s an appropriate characterization, given the whole point of the press event was for him to discuss him. It would have been bizarre if he had discussed the state of the nation. I don’t care for the guy anymore. I’m just thinking it’s over.’

That’s a compendium of some of the reaction. Did you notice there’s much less vitriol from the men who were sharing their thoughts with me than the women? What was your take, Snerdley? Okay, Snerdley says, speaking for womanizers, it was painful to watch this. Imagine you’re a womanizer out there, imagine you’re a philanderer and watching this, ‘Oh, my gosh, this was painful to watch.’ So there’s a cross section here, folks, of the reaction to this from the media to the real people I know and who listen to this program.


RUSH: All right, a couple of more reactions to the Tiger Woods press conference today, first from a guy: ‘He looked like a guy who hadn’t had sex in three months. He looked horrible, and he lied about not using human growth hormone.’ And then there’s this from a woman: ‘If he can reform, it will be a powerful help for teaching kids things. I am hopeful and found the statement moving. But the big question was his mother’s nonverbal messages. Her arms were crossed and then it seems fascinating she could not seem to make eye contact. By the way, Rush, love what you do.’ I am fascinated by this. I’m more fascinated by this than what I thought of it!


RUSH: Stan in Sussex, New Jersey, great to have you on the program. Hello, sir.

CALLER: Thanks for having me, Rush.

RUSH: You bet.

CALLER: I want to comment on this whole —

RUSH: Wait just a second. I just learned something, Stan. This will not take away from your phone call. I learned that Barack Obama gave the Dalai Lama a set of presidential cuff links and a presidential golf ball on the way out the door by the trash bags. Now, as you know, the Dalai Lama doesn’t wear sleeves. Okay, Stan, back to you.

CALLER: On this Tiger Woods thing, number one, I’d be willing to bet what he’s going back to as far as his therapy is coeducational, for one thing, and the misconception here is what people don’t understand, every man is a sex addict. Every man.

RUSH: Well, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you getting that?

CALLER: Most of us have the intestinal fortitude or willpower to be able to put it aside.

RUSH: Yeah, I know, but I mean where in what Tiger said today or in what analysis have you heard that this press conference he had, well, this announcement he had today implied that every man’s a sex addict?

CALLER: He didn’t, right? He didn’t imply anything. Basically it was so put on, it should have been part of a soap opera.


CALLER: It’s ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

RUSH: So you don’t think it was genuine, then.

CALLER: Genuine? My God that was so contrived it was pathetic. And the previous caller who read the facial expressions of his mother, right? The eye contact that was lacking, the crossing of the arms and legs. I mean anyone — and you know this here speaking as a professional speaker — you know how to read your audience just by their positioning.

RUSH: My audience is usually smiling. You have a point. And that was not a caller but a female e-mailer, said, ‘Boy, the mother’s body language is interesting, no eye contact and kept her arms crossed,’ yeah.

CALLER: Well, you know that is a protective type of thing and, you know, I mean body language prevails. It’s never failed.

RUSH: Well, yeah, as a student of body language I have to say that you have a point. All right, Stan. Appreciate that.


RUSH: Did I hear what I just heard? Folks, you’re just going to have to trust me on this. I predicted a couple hours ago that the next phase of the Tiger story is going to be the Drive-Bys finding all the mistresses and asking them what they thought of Tiger’s apology, and they found a porn star, and she’s sitting right next to — dadelut dadelut dadelut — Gloria Allred, which is not a good sign. No, don’t make me say which one’s the porn star, that’s not fair.

JOHNNY DONOVAN: And now, from sunny South Florida, it’s Open Line Friday!

RUSH: No, no, no. I didn’t catch this porn star’s name. There were a couple of them out there. This porn star said she wants a face-to-face apology. I’ll bet she does. And then — this is what I don’t believe I heard — she said you can’t help who you fall in love with but Tiger lied to her. Yeah, she wants her apology head on. Tiger lied to her I guess about being married. How in the world do you not know that Tiger Woods is married with a couple of kids? Greetings. Welcome back, folks. Rush Limbaugh, Open Line Friday. Telephone number, 800-282-2882. The e-mail address, ElRushbo@eibnet.com.

Joslyn James. She’s the one that said she had a miscarriage and an abortion with Tiger. I knew this was going to happen. The Drive-Bys are now going to go out and find every one of these babes: ‘What did you think of the apology from Tiger Woods today?’ Oh, man. Great to have you with us, folks, as we roll on. Remember, when we go to the phones you own the content of the program. You know what’s fascinating, what’s great about this, I’m looking at — well, of course ESPN is going to be running Tiger.


RUSH: What a day, ladies and gentlemen. (laughing) What a day! So now we got a little press conference going on out there between Joslyn James, the porn star who had the affair with Tiger Woods. The media out there saying, ‘What do you think of the apology?’ She’s sitting right next to Gloria Allred, the attorney. What we’re looking at here, folks, is the new version, 2010, of The Vagina Monologues. And I’ll tell you what, with this happening… with when this woman is sitting next to Gloria Allred, you don’t want to be Tiger Woods. And there’s only one reason why you go out there and hire — and this woman’s claiming that Tiger lied to her by not telling her he was married! I think I don’t believe that I saw that. I just don’t believe that I saw that, but I did see it, watching closed-captioning, and she was crying: ‘(crying) Can’t help who you love, my mama always told me that, I didn’t know, and if I’d have known’ — how do you not know? All right, enough of that. (interruption) Uh, she had to look up sometime, Mike, for crying out loud.


RUSH: Now, this is the sound bite that I thought — and I was reading this on the closed caption — this is Joslyn James, the porn star, at a press conference today with Gloria Allred, the new version of The Vagina Monologues.

JAMES: I really feel that I deserve to look at him in person, face-to-face, in his eyes because I didn’t deserve this. I’ve had to deal with a lot and too much from him and because of him. It never had to come to this. He knows that I was very straight and honest with him, but for a long time he lied to me. Tiger pursued me, and over time I fell in love with him, and he told me he loved me, too. I’m so sorry for my part in any of their pain, Sam, Elin and Charlie, but I can’t help that I fell in love with him. You can’t help who you love.

RUSH: Okay, so she knew he was married. Yeah, yeah, okay. I did read that wrong. What she thinks she was lied to about was when he told her that he loved her. She believed him, that’s what she said, she said she believed him. She didn’t know that she was being played, she really didn’t. He’s got a wife and two kids at home, but she’s not the only one that falls for this kind of stuff, as we all know. Snerdley, I don’t want to go there. You are asking me to say things that will make people think I can identify with Tiger in this way, and I don’t understand this, so I’m not going to repeat what you think in there. He wants me to say anybody can fall in love with anybody at any one time. I don’t subscribe to that. Hell, folks, it’s hard enough to fall in love for real once, if you ask me.


RUSH: That’s it! That has to be it. We’re all sitting here wondering why would Joslyn James call a presser today with Gloria Allred to start crying about how she was lied to by Tiger Woods. I mean, what’s the point? Well, if you’re sitting next to Gloria Allred, who is a lawyer, there’s money here, and we finally figured it out, folks, what it is. It’s a book deal or a movie or something. Remember, she’s competing with 12 or 13 other ladies of the evening. And she’s gotta get out front here if she wants the big book deal. Love is the glue.


RUSH: Okay, to the e-mails. ‘Dear Rush: I think Tiger Woods and Toyota should team up for a comeback and run an advertisement with their new motto: I swear we can stop.’ ‘Dear Rush: Tiger did it across state lines, too. He tried to spread the risk to lower the costs, but it didn’t work.’

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