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“Psst! Media Tweak of the Day: Speaking of foreign donations, we don’t even know whether or not Obama himself is a foreign donation.”

“I always feel like I kind of get screwed on these Monday holidays because nobody tells me that it’s a holiday until I’m already here. Of course, the way I’ve adjusted to this is to say, ‘Well, it’s okay, because only the necessary and the relevant actually show up, so it’s cool.'”

“By the way, since Obama is now so focused on foreigners, maybe he might think about securing the border.”

“We’ve always had a partisan political divide, but the abject hatred that is currently aimed at decent, middle-of-the-road Americans by the mainstream cultural left is something like I’ve never seen before.”

“In just two years Obama has accomplished the impossible: he’s made himself look worse than Jimmy Carter — and you can only do that by trying.”

“I got a little misty-eyed at the end of the movie, Secretariat. I wouldn’t normally admit this to you people — I’m supposed to be Mr. Tough and Gruff and so forth — but I did get misty-eyed.”

“People ask me how I stay optimistic. Well, I admit I have an advantage over all of you: I have this microphone. I get to come here for three hours every day, and I get to vent. It’s very healthy.”

“The media’s next story line is Hillary in 2012 — have you picked up on that? Don’t doubt me on this. I have made a career out of studying the left. I know how they do things.”

“A fish doesn’t know that it’s wet. A fish doesn’t know that it’s in water. Maybe Obama’s kind of like that. Maybe Obama doesn’t realize that he’s a capitalist-hating socialist. Well, he’s never met anybody who wasn’t.”

“Nobody has ever said Obama’s busy. I mean, he played his 52nd round of golf on Sunday. Even I don’t play golf that much — much to Hank Haney’s chagrin.”

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