“How can we ever hope to fix anything when liberals keep breaking anything that works?”
“What is organic? Oh, give me a break, ‘free of pesticides’! You can take your lack of pesticides and all that organic stuff and go ahead and throw it in the manure that your organic chickens are eating!”
“I’m going to give you the definitive answer on Algore and his potential run for the presidency: It ain’t gonna happen. And the primary reason why Algore will never, ever, run for president is because he would be forced to debate global warming.”
“Alice, I don’t mean this to be insulting, but you sound so much like Hillary Clinton — not when she’s screeching, just when she’s speaking normally. Actually, forget that. In fact, you know what? We’re going to start the call all over again, okay?”
“I’m getting a little fed up with these toe fungus commercials. I just saw one where they turn these germ-things into cute, little, cuddly cartoon characters. There’s nothing cute about these germs!”
“I love informed people who do not just become lemmings and follow the latest fad, trend — whatever — over a cliff. I like independent thinkers. I wish more people would be more independent and not so pied piper-like. That’s my only complaint, really.”
“If one more mind-numbed, lotus-eating, unrealistic American politician sucks up to Damascus like Nancy Pelosi did, there might not be a single Syrian dissenter out of jail or a country known as Lebanon.”
“Bill Clinton is not a big vote-getter, and he never has been — not on the national scene. He couldn’t win majorities in his own presidential races, and he wouldn’t have been president the first time if it weren’t for Ross Perot.”
“Today a leading Lebanese army general was killed in a car bombing. And, of course, it’s the ninth assassination that Syria will doubt that it had anything to do with. ‘The bomb that doesn’t fit, you must acquit!'”
“I’ve done side-by-side taste tests of organic milk, and I cannot taste the difference. Maybe it’s the Kahla. Just kidding!”
