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“John Edwards was spotted Sunday morning coming out of church. He had Bill Clinton’s Bible and was wearing Ted Kennedy’s neck brace.”

“Some people have said, ‘Rush, you’ve got half your brain tied behind your back every day — that’s why you felt like you left half your intellect at home yesterday.’ No. They’re different things. Half the brain tied behind the back is not the same as half the IQ being left at home.”

“What the Drive-Bys don’t get is that the majority of Americans don’t care to have this country defined by whether or not people in other countries approve of us or not — particularly the Europeans.”

“Here is Janet from The Porch, Maine. Oh? You’re on the porch? Well, you never know. People call here all the time with names from my home state of Missouri that I’ve never heard of, so I just assumed there was a place in Maine called ‘The Porch’.”

“We all met Mick from the high mountains of New Mexico for the first time at Dan’s Bake Sale, and he looked pretty much exactly like what we expected him to look like: a cowboy, thin, gaunt with a weather-worn face — a genuine man.”

“My second book party was out in Los Angeles, and that one was really odd. There were so many people who showed up that I had to get out of there — I went to Chasen’s and had an adult beverage.”

“The only thing you need to remember is that Barack Obama had scheduled two troop visits in Germany, and he cancelled them. That’s all you need to know. Everything after that is simply CYA.”

“Boy, am I catching it from everybody here on the staff and in the e-mail! Everybody claims they use regular unleaded. Well, you people are driving cheap cars if you are, I just have to tell you.”

“The thing that probably solidified my success for me is when my first and second books came out. Those books both sold two and a half million copies hardcover. I mean, it’s one thing to turn on the radio and listen, but it’s another thing to actually engage in the physical act of buying a book.”

“Have you read Lolita, Mr. Snerdley? Then you know of the character Humbert Humbert. Now, Humbert Humbert — Dawn, stop talking to him and listen! This is important!”

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