“Punkin did not come down to see me all day yesterday. She totally ignored me! So I got upstairs at 1:30 a.m., and she’s just sitting there in her bathroom, waiting. She has her own bathroom and sitting room, folks.”
“CNN, you want to know what you are? You are nothing more than opposition research for Hillary Clinton and the Democrat Party.”
“Poll: ‘Republicans are significantly more likely than Democrats or independents to rate their mental health as excellent.’ Why is anybody surprised by this? When’s the last time you ran into a liberal who you thought was moderately well adjusted?”
“My optimism is not based on being out of touch with anything. I’m optimistic because I live in the United States of America, and I have history on my side. I see that today is better than yesterday.”
“I was told by an expert that nobody picked up the frog and licked it; somebody cooked the frog or ate it in such a way that they discovered inside was this venom that is a hallucinogen, and they said, ‘Hmm… hubba, hubba!'”
“You know, folks, I think I’m getting closer to being able to retire, because apparently ESPN agrees with me now — after all these years — that Donovan McNabb is overrated. See, this is the kind of progress that can be made if you stick to your principles.”
“Ingrid, you wouldn’t know the truth if it pulled your pants down and spanked you — which I am about to do here.”
“Do you realize how many millions of Americans there are who will never realize their potential as human beings because they vote Democrat, because they vote liberal, because they allow themselves to become victims?”
“I just have to say one thing: MU-Oklahoma tomorrow night for the national championship game. Go Tigers!”
