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“Happy Memorial Day out there to everybody. Try for a brief moment over the weekend to remember what it’s really about.”

“We’ll have a ‘best of’ show on Monday. By the way, H.R., do you know which ‘best of’ show it is? February 20th’s? Oh, there have been better shows since February 20th! We’ve had a couple of kick-ass shows since then!”

“John Edwards said he went to the hedge fund to ‘learn about poverty.’ And I think he did learn something about it: avoid it. Ha, ha!”

“Somebody from the New York Times is listening to you right now, John, and they think that you don’t have your two front teeth, have four-week-old stubble, and are sitting there in a plaid shirt with your gun over your shoulder and a bottle of old crow next to you.”

“This is the theme from ‘The Young and The Restless,’ they tell me. I wear a cochlear implant, so these violins sound like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. Oh, my! Okay! That’s enough of it!”

“I’m reading something… Something about an illegal monkey. An illegal monkey immigrant. Hmm, I have to figure this out.”

“This is gut-wrenching! Heart-wrenching! How can this happen in the United States of America? How can Big Government take away a pet monkey like this?”

“There is a clear route to winning the Nobel peace prize: simply trash George W. Bush and the United States. That is how Jimmy Carter won his, and it’s why Al Gore will probably win this one.”

“A McCain aide said that ‘Barack Obama wouldn’t know the difference between RPG and a bong.’ Now, I know that those of you in Rio Linda know what a bong is, but youmay not know what a RPG is. It’s a rocket propelled grenade.”

“I have been corrected about something by an e-mailer, which means I might be wrong. And since that is so rare, I’m going to lead the next hour with it. I love doing things I don’t get to do much.”

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“The notion that people freely expressing their opinions on radio is a ‘problem’ should scare every one of us that loves liberty.”

“To be honest, I never had kids because I was not willing to make myself second. I was too focused on what I wanted to accomplish and achieve professionally. I think the kids I didn’t have are the luckiest non-kids ever.”

“This whole ‘carbon footprint’ thing is based on the hoax that CO2 is a pollutant. Well, if that’s true, then — pant, pant, pant! There: I have just polluted you three times.”

“It is astounding to me that the majority leader in the United States Senate would go after our top US commander in Iraq. Do you know what the grave sin that General Petraeus has committed is? He wants to win the war in Iraq.”

“Fine.If you think a desert’s beautiful, go live there. And I’ll hope Sally Struthers shows up with a tuna fish sandwich for you.”

“When I moved to Sacramento in 1984, I drove around town because I wanted to get familiar with the area. I came to this place called Rio Linda, and it was like going to the Twilight Zone: cars on concrete blocks infront yards, washing machines on the porch. I said, ‘Whoa, this place needs my help.'”

“Harry Reid is saying some of the most destructive, inaccurate, harmful things about true heroes in this country. My question is: Where the hell are the elected Republicans on this?”

“Do you think if these penguins knew about, let’s say, Antigua, that they wouldn’t get the hell out of the Antarctic and move there –except they’d die because it’s too hot?”

“I get a lot of e-mails that say, ‘There are a lot of Rush babies out there to whom you are a surrogate father.’ To which my reply is, ‘Don’t think that that entitles you to child support from me.'”

“Trent Lott said talk radio is ‘running the country.’ Well, there can only be one person he’s talking about, and if you’re listening to anybody other than me — it ain’t them.”

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“Suddenly, Democrats are back to ‘politics stops at the water’s edge,’ in preparation for shielding an Obama administration from criticism.”

“Jim Nantz is a professional sports announcer, and his job is to keep himself out of what he’s covering, and he does that better than anybody else.”

“About 1979 or ’80, Howard Cosell came in with ABC to Kansas City when I was working for the Royals to do a game. I got my courage up and went down there, and I told him I had met him in Pittsburgh. His first reaction was Howard Cosell: ‘How dare you interrupt me when I’m in the middle of this preparation for this broadcast! You expect me to remember you from Pittsburgh?’ and then he totally changed, after I’m sitting there quaking in my boots, ‘Of course I remember. How are you? Nice to see you.'”

“Who are the neoconservatives? Well, the neocons are ex-Democrats who moved into the Republican Party with Ronald Reagan. ‘We’re not Reagan conservatives. We’re neoconservatives. We’re smarter than Reagan.’ Now they’ve made enough progress in having the media brand them as the face of serious conservatism, and they’re out there feeling their oats.”

“Ants that have ingested dry grits exploding in front of your very eyes. Wouldn’t you love to be outside and see that happen?”

“Marx wouldn’t permit a neo-Marxism nor would liberalism permit a neoliberalism.”

“Democrats are not trying to be our friends. They’re not trying to show us that they’re reasonable. They are advancing an agenda, and we’re not, from our pseudo-conservative media to elevated levels of our Republican Party.”

“HD DVD didn’t quite make it. Blu-ray did. And that’s going to speed the whole process of people getting into that market. You can thank also me for that because I chose Blu-ray early on and have every Blu-ray disc — other than the stupid little, you know, how to dance stuff out there.”

“Barack Obama would not only meet with terrorists, he has one as a good friend: William Ayers. Obama is a flat-out liar, a manipulator of words and of events. He thinks he is above criticism because he thinks he is so special.”

“I’m off for a charity golf trip, and will be gone Monday and Tuesday. Jason Lewis will be here Monday, and Mark Davis on Tuesday. I’ll be back Wednesday. Have a great weekend.”

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