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“When Obama famously said, ‘Words, just words,’ did you realize he was giving us a preview of his presidential game plan?”

“Remember when the Obama team investigated itself over Blago? I’m in the middle of a New York state tax audit, and Ithink I’m going to tell the state, ‘You know, we’ve investigated ourselves, and we’ve found that I pay more than I actually owe just to keep you people off my back.’ Think that willfly?”

“This new format of presenting best actor, best actress, supporting actor, supporting actress… They had these five actors come out there, and each one addressed one of the nominees. It was sick! There was so little humility.”

“When did my ‘success spiral’ begin? My success spiral began, I’d have to say, in 1984 when I moved to Sacramento, and the last thing in hell I want to do is get out of it!”

“How in the world — after rolling up the largest deficit in the history of deficits, with some of the most irresponsible pork barrel spending that nobody is going to be able to keep track of — do you go out and then do a ‘fiscal responsibility summit’?”

“The Cape Girardeau Regional Airport — where I fly into when I go visit family — is going to receive $1.6 million on pavement maintenance from the Porkulus bill. I have a mind to call whoever in the county and say, ‘Don’t take it! I’ll give you $800,000 for it!'”

“You’re going to have Obama as president for at least four years, and there’s something that you have to understand to avoid going nuts (like I almost did): don’t believe a word he says.”

“Obama’s words are not intended to be believed, and I’m not calling him a liar — this is a very important distinction. I’m saying that he uses words as a painter uses colors: to establish a mood, to trigger an emotion.”

“Obama’s rhetoric is female-based. The best analogy I can give you is like when Obama says, ‘No, Michelle, that dress does not make you look like a sausage.’ He just means he knows that she wants to hear that it doesn’t make her look like a sausage, even if it does. That’s all he’s doing: telling us what he thinks we want to hear.”

“You know, ‘Sissy’ is one of my all-time top ten favorite female names.”




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“How can a government $9 trillion in debt take over anything, including health care? They can’t afford to take over a kid’s lemonade stand on Main Street USA.”

“I think Nancy Pelosi actually deserves our praise. She was the guardian of waterboarding. She knew it was happening, and she didn’t say anything. Without Pelosi’s cooperation and silence, waterboarding would not have been used. She deserves a medal.”

“So George Bush was so bad and so rotten, that the only way for Barack Obama to repair and resurrect the country from eight years of the disaster of Bush was to create a budget deficits four times larger than Bush’s? Okay.”

“Well, President Obama just finished talking about the unsustainable cost of health care, and he has an idea for cutting costs: he’s going to nationalize health care. Now, keep in mind, this is from the guy who is proposing a single-year budget deficit of $1.8 trillion.”

“The liberal mind is an irrational mind. They actually don’t think that we are being placed at greater risk by releasing terrorists into the general population.”

“As long as you have a compliant, sycophantic, slavish Drive-By Media willing to sing the song and lyrics written by the White House, then you’re going to have a majority of the American people buying whatever they’re being told.”

“The biggest mistake Republicans could make is to follow Colin Powell’s advice and move to the center… because there is no center! Centrists move and float!”

“When the Democrats got shellacked in 2000 and 2004, didn’t say to themselves, ‘Whoa, we have to become more like Republicans.’ They moved Pravda-left.”

“I normally don’t pat myself on the back, but today, global warming is an issue that has the concern of 30% of the American people. A few years ago it was over 50%. That’s because somebody spoke up day in and day out and said, ‘This is a hoax.’ And that somebody was me.”

“Barack Obama has yet to show in any way how he will control the cost of anything — including his ego.”




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“If you’re a Republican and you want to run for office in 2010, be conservative — and don’t make any excuses for it.”

“Obama’s czars do not go through the legislative process or the confirmation process, and that is just statist behavior — authoritarian behavior. It is Obama basically saying, ‘Screw the way we’ve set this country up as a representative republic. I’m going to rule!'”

“You ought to see my friend’s dog and Punkin, my cat. We thought there was going to be some fur flying, but there wasn’t. Punkin looks at the dog like, ‘Shut up, you little kid. Stop bothering me.’ Cats are very indifferent.”

“See, everybody wants validation from the host. Do you realize how I just made Tom’s day by telling him how brilliant his point was? He’s going to live off that for at least a year.”

“I hope I never get invited to the White House for a meeting. It would be tough. I mean, I’d be civil, don’t misunderstand. But it would be tough.”

“This is the only country where poverty leads to obesity. And why is that? Because with food stamps you can go buy Twinkies, Milk Duds, and a six-pack of Bud, and then head home to one of your two color TVs as you live in poverty to watch the NFL on satellite TV.”

“This guy, Obama, just grates on me. He’s just a know-it-all, and he doesn’t know anything. He’s arrogant with no reason to be. He has all the answers when he’s never run anything other than his mouth.”

“We are $2 trillion in debt this year alone. We can’t even pay for what they’re running now, and Obama wants to put 47 million more people on the rolls? And somehow this is going to make health care cheaper?”

“If the left thought Sarah Palin was the easiest, slam-dunk defeat they could ever engineer, they would be talking her up — but they’re scared to death. She can draw 20,000 people, as it was said early today by somebody, reading a cookbook.”

“I really don’t want to be overly dramatic here, Jen, but your liberty is at risk with Obama in the White House. All of our liberty is at risk!”




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“Mullah Nancy bin Pelosi is convincing Democrats to blow themselves up for health care. The only thing she can’t do is promise them 72 virgins.”

“Pelosi just said that the bill can be bipartisan even though the votes might not be bipartisan. Are we live? Are we actually on the air, or am I dreaming?”

“Algore had a piece in the New York Times yesterday which I might dissect, but I don’t know… It really is painful to expose one’s self to such psychological frailty.”

“Did you guys hear what Obama said after the Chile earthquake? He said we can’t control Mother Nature. ‘Ah, things happen. We can’t control Mother Nature. Except when it comes to my global warming policies.'”

“The American people do not want to eat dog food! This is not North Korea!”

“I cannot, no matter how persuasive or talented, properly convey to you how badly the Democrats want this socialized health care bill. I mean, they are willing to lose their majorities in order to get this, and if looked at in that light, you have to take this very seriously.”

“Nancy Pelosi said that Rangel’s corruption didn’t jeopardize the country, so it’s okay. Do these people not get how screwed they are going to be come November?”

“Snerdley said, ‘I limit calls praising you to no more than ten an hour. Any more than that and I think people get tired of it.’ I said, ‘That’s a pretty good judgment on your part.'”

“These college kids have been so brainwashed that you just have to ridicule them and shame them. Well, that’s what I do with the liberals that call in here.”

“It’s important to love what you do. I’ve heard pole dancers say that as well. It’s true of every profession.”




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“The Democrats and the media seem to be more embracing of the Muslim Brotherhood than the Tea Party movement, have you noticed that? I have.”

“‘We are universally for human rights in every country,’ Obama said in his short contradictory public statement last week. I mean, why did he treat the leader of Red China like some kind of great Democrat here? Why did he praise him? Hu’s holding the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize winner in jail, for crying out loud!”

“You know, it might be a good thing that Pharaoh Obama does not know what the US interests are in this Egyptian situation — otherwise he would do the opposite.”

“It doesn’t seem like there were that many women protesting in Egypt, which to me says that the protesters might not be all that tolerant or concerned with freedom after all. We’ll just have to wait and see on that.”

“How much is Hugo Chavez worth? Fidel Castro? The Saudi king? How much is George Soros worth? For crying out loud, the wealthiest people in the world are liberal Democrats and totalitarians, and they’ve acquired their wealth by virtue of stealing it!”

“See, the thing is, ladies and gentlemen, markets work. They do. And attempts to manipulate them do not. It really is no more complicated than that.”

“I was out to dinner with some friends Friday night in Los Angeles at the Grand Havana Club, one of the last civilized spots in the world, where you can smoke a cigar or as many as you want and have dinner at the same time.”

“Barack Hussein Pharaoh Obama is now going into his third year as president of the United States, and there’s still anti-American sentiment in Egypt. How can this be? Where is the love?”

“When I lived in Kansas City back in the seventies, and one local station made a big deal out of some new weather girl that they had hired, and I have to tell you, when this woman stood on the East Coast and faced the West Coast, the first state you saw was Missouri.”

“Snerdley, that’s right, that’s why I don’t do TV: I’m too sexy. Nobody would remember what I said. It was proven on my first TV show.”

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