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“Wars are always about one of two things: money or expanding and conquering territory. But that’s what’s been amazing about the United States: We don’t conquer anybody — we liberate.”

“Okay, so there you have it: The tax cheat, Tim Geithner, says the economy has now recovered sufficiently for government to begin to make way for private investment growth. Shouldn’t the government have been trying to make way for private business investment from the get-go?”

“A mosque at Ground Zero is meant as a monument to our defeat, and we have a bunch of politically correct cowards who are afraid to stand up to this and say, ‘No, no, no!'”

“I’ll tell you why Obama supported the release of the Lockerbie bomber: It is because President Obama doesn’t give a damn about what went on before he became president. What happened before I got here, Obama says, is irrelevant. Now that I’m here, America is finally just.”

“It’s typical. John Kerry — who, by the way, served in Vietnam — went out and bought a 70-foot sailboat, and he docked it in Rhode Island to avoid paying taxes in Massachusetts. You know, Democrats ought to move to where it is the most expensive for them to live in accordance with tax law.”

“Now, for those of you new to the program, never forget these two simple words: liberals lie. That’s all you ever have to know to understand them.”

“Do you know how the terrorists fight wars? They dress up as civilians, they hide in mosques, and they hide in private homes where there are women and children because they know our rules of engagement do not allow us to hit those targets. The Taliban kills civilians, folks. Who died at the World Trade Center?”

“I think that conservatives ought to take over this party, and I think there’s no greater opportunity to contrast conservatism with what we’ve got destroying the country right now.”

“Obama is going to appear on The View Thursday morning. This is the first time an American president has ever appeared on daytime television. Now, this is worse than going on a soap opera, and I’m going to send Maude Behar some knee pads, because she is going to need them.”

“We have a song that might suffice as a national anthem for the Reverend Jackson: Love Child, by Diana Ross and The Supremes.”

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“We better pray for Governor Walker and we better hope this guy means it when he says he’s sticking to his guns because Wisconsin is the battleground for 2012.”

“Sheila Jackson Lee is fast becoming our all-time favorite member of congress — more so than Maxine Waters, even.”

“They get out of school today more than I ever did, Snerdley, and, frankly, it ticks me off. Teachers’ conference here, teachers’ strike there, spring break… There was no such thing as spring break when we were in school!”

“We know the Muslim Brotherhood is attempting to take over Egypt, and it appears they might be trying to take over Libya. But will the Education Brotherhood succeed in taking over Wisconsin? Time will tell.”

“There’s no sex with a Lewinsky, and everybody knows that. My brother David is here in town with my nephew and nieces and he’s wondering, ‘Why did I bring them by today?'”

“Imagine that: You go on vacation, and you pay for it. You go buy a quart of milk, and you pay for it. I know it’s a strange concept to a lot of freeloading leftists, but that’s what’s on the table here.”

“How stupid are these people? If you’re a teacher, and you have a pension plan that depends on your state being solvent, wouldn’t you damn well be supporting a governor who wants to maintain your state solvency?”

“Damn right I am the biggest supporter of individual responsibility you’re ever going to find! If I want it, I pay for it. I don’t accept freebies.”

“The reason that they want to unionize public employees is — how can I say this — because that’s how you get around not having to get rid of failing or underperforming people. It’s not about hiring the best — it’s about strength in numbers and loyalty to the Democratic Party.”

“So there’s one copy of Bush’s book available in Vermont. Good.”

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