“Elizabeth Edwards says she’s not going to buy tangerines anymore because they have to be shipped in using fossil fuels to get them to the market in North Carolina.Excellent point, Mr. Snerdley. Where is the toilet paper plant in North Carolina? Is there one?”
“The new Congress has apparently issued every subpoena that there is in that town, threatening the national subpoena reserve. You may not know that we have a national subpoena reserve, but we do.”
“If you have any blank subpoena forms in your attic, please get them and FedEx them to Henry Waxman, Washington, DC, and Patrick Leahy, Washington, DC. Because if you have blank subpoena forms and you don’t send them to Washington to cover the shortage over there, you might be subpoenaed.”
“I remember when I was a kid watching Ernie Banks’ retirement ceremony at Wrigley Field in Chicago. They were at home plate and he said, ‘First off, I want to thank God for making me an American.’ I’ve never forgotten that.”
“CNN’s whole charade with this YouTube stunt was designed to get them into the Internet era. And why do they want that? Because that’s where these young, acne-faced, little narcissists are these days — and CNN wants them.”
“I want to apologize for just now whispering that some of you people are idiots for not understanding the constitutional delegation of power to the president. I realize that some of you may not even know what the hell the Constitution is. So sorry.”
“I just read this New York Times story, and they don’t even refer to it as ‘Al-Qaeda;’ they call it, ‘Mr. Bin Laden’s group.’ Ha, ha! Why don’t they just say, ‘Osama bin Laden, D-Afghanistan’?”
“I really do wonder who is actually running in the Edwards campaign, because there are more policy positions and statements coming out of her mouth than her mouth — I mean, ‘his mouth.’ Well, that was a faux pas that was right on the money!”
“The views expressed by the host on this program are correct — as judged by a consensus of the American people. Of course, there are Rush deniers out there, but they are sickos.”
