“What was Larry Craig’s mistake? Larry Craig’s mistake was not tapping his foot in the Oval Office. If he was tapping his foot in the Oval Office, he’d still be in the Senate. But no, he had to go to a men’s room.”
“Where is Snerdley? We can’t start the program without the call screener! I can’t believe it! Oh, there you are. Well, don’t walk in the room and act mad at me because I pointed out you’re not there!”
“The more depraved and unique you are, the easier it is to make you a victim. Therefore, the greater the pervert, the more attractive you are to the Democrat Party and the American left.”
“A Democrat can do whatever he wants and there’s no problem whatsoever. Chris Dodd and Ted Kennedy can make the famous ‘waitress sandwiches’ at La Brasserie and it’s a rsum enhancement for them.”
“I have walked through malls in my day; not often, not recently, but I’ve done it. I’ll see a really strange-looking guy and an even stranger-looking woman and say, ‘How in the hell did this happen?'”
“I got home at about one o’clock Sunday afternoon and Punkin, my cat, was there waiting for me and then would not leave my side! I said, ‘This is so bad, Punkin, because I’m just going to be leaving again tomorrow.'”
“‘Dangerous Iraq Chemicals Found Stored at the United Nations in New York.’ I’ll tell you, folks, I am so confused — I feel like that poor, 18-year-old Miss South Carolina girl.”
“I can see by virtue of the callers that Snerdley is finding today that I’m on the losing side of this argument. I have failed as a communicator today, and I’m going to chalk this up to the fact that I’m fighting the ravages of the common cold.”
“I am rich, Dale, but I’m not going to send you a cigar because I don’t know your address — and I’m not going to ask you for it.”
