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“When you Democrat delegates get to your convention and look around, remember: The person sitting next to you could be mine.”

“The last thing we need is another moderate on our ticket. I mean, it was just, what? Four or five years ago that Senator McCain was toying with leaving our party, toying with being Kerry’s vice president? We’re so screwed.”

“I haven’t seen Wayne’s World, but apparently Paul Begala has, and apparently he’s a big fan.”

“I will accept no responsibility for a Republican loss in November. I am not the Republican candidate, nor am I the architect of a screwball Republican strategy that seeks the presidency by alienating the party.”

“I can’t record stuff on my DVR, Brian! There’s a show on the mating habits of the Australian rabid bat coming up, so I set it upbut it said, ‘You’re not authorized.'”

“No serious conservative believes we need to create more international organizations to make decisions about American sovereignty. We don’t need a League of Democracies, Senator McCain. We need the United States of America leading, not subordinating.”

“Matthew, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Realize the stories you’ll be able to tell your grandkids: that you were a covert op in Operation Chaos, that you successfully infiltrated the Democrat Party at their convention with a Bush bumper sticker on your car and got away with it.”

“Your best friend’s a guy? Is it your husband? Your boyfriend? No? Oh, that’s a dangerous situation.”

“I was a little surprised by that guy yesterday who said, ‘Hey Rush, I need some money from you for college education for my daughter.’ I was teetering on the verge of ripping into the guy, but I was just in too good a mood yesterday. Plus, you know, I’m a nice guy.”

“Andrew Napolitano — he’s a friend of mine, but he looks like an adult Eddie Munster.”

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“Two giant Obama balloons very close to the top of the Victory Tower, proving the Rev. Jackson still has not succeeded in removing the nuts of The Messiah.”

“Where is Obama? Obama is in Germany. And as an American I am embarrassed because he’s speaking English. Well, he just told us that we all need tolearn to speak a foreign language because it’s embarrassing when we go over there and don’t speak their language.”

“Barack Obama ripping his own country, the country that has granted more freedom to its citizensthan any other country in the world… I wonder, did he do any ‘community organizing’ in Berlin while he was there? Well, that’s his expertise.”

“I think John Edwards has been a fraud and a phony from day one. I mean, two Americas? All this mythical poverty that exists in this country? He’s a snake oil salesman trial lawyer.”

“Do you know what Obama did before he left Israel? He stopped in Bethlehem to visit the site where he was born… but he didn’t allow any media in there because he didn’t want to disturb the animals.”

“California can’t cut ‘essential services’ any more; that would anger half the population, which is illegal. Just kidding! It’s not quite that high.Dawn, uncover your eyes. It’s going to be one of these days — I was up late last night and so I’m a little giddy here.”

“Now, think about it: Based on what we know about Obama, would he have fought Nazi Germany? He would have to call them ‘a distraction’ to be consistent.”

“Obama opened up his speech by saying he doesn’t come there ‘as a candidate’. BS! That’s the only reason he’s there! And he says he’s a citizen of the world? I want to see that passport.”

“There is no other country around the world that’s being ripped for torture like America is, and there are places where it’s actually happening! You want to talk about Cuba, or China, or Russia, Obama? Torture happens all over the place. It’s part of Islam, for crying out loud, if women do the wrong things!”

“Obama was channeling Ronald Reagan today. Well, we knew Ronald Reagan, Senator Obama, and you’re not in his league.”

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“You know how Chris Matthews talks about the ‘tingle’ he gets up his leg when he listens to Obama? I get a chill up my spine.”

“There is something so phony about a candidate like Obama, flying around on the best jets, asking billionaires and millionaires in San Francisco to support his campaign, having almost everything he has handed to him, and then attacking the McCains for the assets they’ve accumulated over the years.”

“I watched this thing with Obama and Tim Kaine yesterday and I thought: ‘They let the cast of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest outside.'”

“I don’t think that a wife can determine a vote for a candidate. Although, I think a wife can determine a vote against if the wife rubs people the wrong way. The Obama people learned this fast — that’s why Michelle (My Belle) vanished for a while.”

“I don’t care how many houses McCain has; he and his wife did not get a sweetheart deal from a fraud embezzler like Tony Rezko. But if Obama wants to talk homes, let’s talk homes.”

“Why should you vote for McCain? Very simple. Two words: The Messiah. We don’t want Barack Obama anywhere near the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, DC. We want him getting more street agitator experience.”

“I have to be honest with you, Snerdley: you found some real oddballs today. I needed an IQ of half of what I have just to follow that. Now, don’t give me any excuses — just don’t give me those lug heads anymore!”

“‘Hey, little Clarissa. What do you want to do when you grow up?’ ‘Well, I want to save people who defecate outside, mom.’ ‘Well, that’s just wonderful, little Clarissa!'”

“Pete, you are illustrating exactly the cold-hearted cruelty that has become commonplacethis country. You are demanding that poor, little, innocent victims of life in America actually assume responsibility for themselves. We haven’t required that in I-don’t-know-how-many decades. Where have you been?”

“Lieberman’s good onthe war and he’s a nice guy. There’s nothing wrong with him as a human being, but as a politician, he ain’t us.”

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“One day after Obama talked to Joe the Plumber, Joe has been all over the media. Where are the Drive-By interviews of Bill Ayers?”

“There you have it: David Brooks, the ‘conservative’ columnist for the New York Times, reassured by the ‘mountain’-like stature of Obama. Is this drooling or what? Does he want to marry the guy? Does he want to have kids with the guy? What is this?”

“What the press can’t get through their heads is that America is Joe the Plumber.America is Sarah Palin. And Anne Kornblut, Katie Couric, and sadly, Fred Barnes and Bill Kristol? They’re not America. They have become elites.”

“I remember when I was a kid going out trick-or-treating, and my mom dressed me up as a girl in high heels. This was a costume, Snerdley; it was not cross-dressing. And I’ll never forget my mother and her friends, just having the biggest time, putting a wig on me and a padded bra.”

“Instead of taking care of our own families and our own businesses, the Obama plan has us making deposits in other people’s bank accounts, with him as the banker.”

“You know who reminds me of Joe the Plumber? Todd Palin. Todd Palin and Joe the Plumber could pull this country out of its funk by themselves. They’re tough guys; they have common sense. I’d run ads with them.”

“McCain was awesome last night. He was looking at Obama with total disbelief for some of the things he was saying and couldn’t wait to get back to answering. I thought it was McCain’s best night of his political career, and I know that I am not wrong.”

“I’m in a good mood again because Obama and his butt-kissing media friends have gone too far. This elitist BS might just blow up in their collective smug faces.”

“How many Americans are fed up with Obama apologizing for America while in Berlin? How many Americans are fed up with being called bitter clingers when Obama is hanging around these elite rich Democrats in San Francisco? We don’t know; the polls are not telling us.”

“The Democrats have destroyed the markets. The economy needs to be rebuilt, not reorganized for socialism.”

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“When you’re afraid to stand up for what you believe in, why should anybody else believe in you?”

“We have to understand who muggers are: Muggers are the salt of the earth — they’re the backbone of America. They just have been placed in this current circumstance because of the evils of the Bush administration and supply side trickle-down economics.”

“I myself have had some bosses who were doofuses, but you have to put up with it. Sometimes you don’t put up with it and you get fired.”

“There’s snow for the first time in 30 years in Las Vegas, and it shut down the airport there. There’s also a major winter snowstorm moving into the Northeast from the upper Midwest today, illustrating, of course, how quickly the earth is warming.”

“Most of the limitations we have are not because somebody won’t let us do something, but because we don’t want to do what it takes to do something else.”

“What’s going to happen in 2010 is going to depend totally on whether or not the Republican Party’s grown a set and has the audacity to actually present an alternative to liberalism rather than watered-down sameness.”

“Hell, folks, even the Somali pirates are opposed to gay marriage!”

“So the president of the United States is going to convince everybody from CEOs, to shareholders, to investors to focus on ‘fairness’ and ‘not profit’. Because that’s the only way to fix this: adult supervision.”

“When you donated to the Clinton Foundation, you were buying favor with who everybody thought was going to be the next president of the United States. The Clinton quid pro quo market fell apart, therefore, when Obama won, but by putting Hillary back in as secretary of state, the Clintons are once again a good investment.”

“Mannheim Steamroller here as the Christmas season continues… Christmastime: Dig it.”

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“If I didn’t have my own brain, it would be a toss-up on whether I would want Charles Krauthammer’s brain or Justice Scalia’s brain.”

“Story: ‘Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is announcing new efforts to freeze pirate booty.’ Now, for those of you at the AP, the words ‘Clinton’ and ‘booty’ are two words that should not be close together in a news story.”

“The people yesterday at the tea parties werenot caught up in personalities. Those people were caught up in adult issues, like irresponsible spending, self-defeating bailouts, and the higher taxes that are going to follow all of this.”

“I’m 58 years old, and, after watching the Drive-By Media yesterday, for the first time I said, ‘You know, I’m really not recognizing my country here.'”

“CNN had some chick at one of these rallies, screaming, ‘I don’t see any African-Americans! There aren’t any African-Americans here!’ Straight out of the template handbook! She could have been talking about the CNN newsroom, for crying out loud!”

“Those guys at the G20… You know, they had to go along with Obama for the sake of appearances and the photo-ops and all that, but now that it’s over, they’re all talking amongst themselves: ‘What a lightweight.'”

“Mark Levin doesn’t have any big names pushing his book — other than me, of course. But he’s outselling everyone else, and I’ll tell you why: it’s because of the content, the substance of the book. And it’s called word-of-mouth.”

“Headline: ‘Iranian Scientist Claim They Have Cloned a Goat’. Really? Which mullah would that be? I guess they’re taking time out from making yellowcake over there.”

“If you’re a youngster out there and you are obsessed with fame, I’m going to give you a little piece of advice: The worst thing you can do is establish a career that requires the media to cover you every day in order for you to stay successful. Because while they may love you one day, the next day they’re going to take you apart.”

“Don’t worry, folks: I love the pierced people and tattooed people in the conservative movement. Don’t misunderstand. Lighten up out there!”

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“Where is Obama’s laser-like focus on the economy and jobs? It doesn’t exist.”

“You know, Bangkok is really appropriately named. They have the largest number of prostitutes per capita in the world in the Bangkok, Thailand. Don’t ask me how I know. I think I read it in National Geographic.”

“Time’s up. We have enough hard evidence to pass judgment here on the regime. Sufficient facts are known. We don’t need any more evidence to conclude that the Obama regime either hopes this country fails, or doesn’t know how to help the country succeed.”

“Why is Obama historic for all the damage he has done to our economy, but Bernie Madoff is a hated criminal? Madoff was a crook, no doubt about it, but who’s done more damage to the people, today and in the future: Madoff, or Obama?”

“The problem we have is that statism, which is this regime, takes what would otherwise be criminal behavior and treats it as a virtue. They have institutionalized fraud, and they call it progress.”

“The whole point of sanctions is to hurt the population, make the population pay for what the regime is doing. So if Obama would just treat Iran like he’s treating the United States of America, they might get the message.”

“In the old days, having enough money to finally fly on an airplane was a big deal. I remember I’d go out and I’d buy a copy of Money magazine and open it up, hoping to impress a flight attendant.”

“Every lie being spewed by a liberal about George Bush’s calculated incompetence regarding Katrina and New Orleans and its aftermath is exactly true about Obama. Multiple states are facing cat five financial hurricanes, and Obama is silent, MIA.”

“Has Obama ever once cited Chris Christie and what he’s doing as a model for what we need to do around the country, or even in Washington? Of course not. That’s because it’s called conservatism, and it will be elected en masse in November.”

“To run against Bush two years after he left office, to say that what we have now is the Bush status quo… The Democrats must think their BS still flies.”

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“Biorhythms, karma, I don’t know what it is, but nothing about this day is making sense to me. I’m not sure if I’m actually conscious and awake, or living in a dream.”

“What I want to know is, did Los Suns give everybody who attended the game amnesty? What would be the equivalent? Not having to give a ticket? I mean, if you’re going to go all the way, let’s go all the way.”

“So Mrs. Shahzad wore a burqa, and yet she was the life of the party, according to the New York Times. I guess it’s all in the eyes.”

“Here’s a pop quiz. Complete the following sentence. ‘I have money woes after getting married. I think I will: A, drink more, B, go to church and pray more, C, blow up Times Square.'”

“Look at the number of people killed every year by illegals in Arizona, and what is the focus? What is the outrage? The outrage ison people trying to take steps to protect themselves.”

“If ‘socialist’ is not a slur anymore, that means we can use the term with abandon now without being called racists. So Obama is a socialist!”

“Cynicism is not found here. Cynicism is not found in the hearts and minds of the American people, but cynicism is found at the highest levels of our government, from the White House on down.”

“Maybe Obama could go back over to Athens and give a Cairo-like speech apologizing for America going broke first.”

“Cinco De Mayo was a minor battle during a time when the French were invading Mexico, so you know it has to be a long time ago, because the French don’t invade anybody anymore.”

“Flowers work every time they’re tried, just like abstinence.”

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“When’s the last time you heard anybody in this administration speak glowingly, respectfully, positively of this country? It doesn’t happen.”

“Did you know this? Calderon’s best friend, folks, is missing, thought to have been kidnapped and killed by Mexican drug gangs. And he comes here and disses us!”

“Who is Calderon to preach to us? For crying out loud, they deport more illegal immigrantsin Mexico than we do! And how do they catch their illegal immigrants? Do they profile them? How the hell do they find out who’s in their country illegally?”

“We have the fear of being called a racist drummed into us, and there’s nothing like it in the history of this country. It was never even so horrible to be called a communist.”

“The next time Obama uses his prompter, somebody ought to put the Arizona law on it so that he can both read it and read it aloud to his audience at the same time. I know it will never happen, folks — just one of those things that you sit there and fantasize about.”

“If they’re willing to throw the race card down now in middle May, you just wait ’til we get into September and October. You just wait to see what these clowns in the White House do. It’s going to get worse.”

“Some typical ACORN-type group, a typical Obama-type group, is demanding that our affiliate, KMJ, in Fresno, California remove all conservative voices because they incite violence. It’s begun.”

“Can you believe the idiocy, the illogic of saying we cannot drill our way to energy independence? That’s just sophistry, stupidity. It’s the only way we’re going to have energy independence!”

“Obama and his buddies believe that socialism is the best way for a nation to organize its affairs and for a government to control its people. ‘Well, how come it hasn’t worked yet in human history?’ ‘Because the right people haven’t been in charge.’ But now they’re the right people. You know, ‘We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.'”

“Layoffs in Michigan? Is there anybody leftto lay off in Michigan? This makes no sense whatsoever.”

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“We hear of homeowners underwater. Well, Obama was, too, in this press conference. He was gasping for air.”

“I happen to think that the best and brightest minds in our country are in the private sector. I don’t believe they’re in the government sector.”

“Keep a sharp eye on the Department of Justice’s pursuit of Apple. The feds are after ’em. This particular DOJ does not like profit. They don’t like greedy profit.”

“We don’t have a leader here. A community agitator and organizer is not a leader.”

“I don’t watch American Idol because I don’t like amateurs. I don’t care who they are, golfers, college football, I don’t like amateurs. I like the professionals. Give me the best.”

“Governor Jindal of Louisiana wants to build some sandbars offshore — essentially, miniature islands — that would soak up the oil before it got to the shore. But they need federal permits to do this.”

“Hurricane season starts Tuesday, and the Drive-Bys are over the top excited because all the hurricane predictions out there say it’s going to be an above average year.”

“We will have between zero and 40 named storms, zero to 40 of which will become hurricanes, zero to 40 of which will become major hurricanes. That’s the official hurricane forecast from the Excellence in Broadcasting Network.”

“Eric Holder is apparently wasting no time looking into Apple. He can’t look into the Joe Sestak claims, but he can look into Apple.”


“Now, maybe I’m too dumb to figure it all out, but it seems to me that a lot of stuff in the first five seasons was pointless given the way they wrapped Lost up.”

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“I hope that one day African-American politicians will finally achieve racial equality and that they, too, will be punished for their ethical lapses just like people of no color are.”

“Obama doesn’t look at us as ‘We, the people.’ He looks at the United States as ‘Me, the government.'”

“A mongrel is the offspring of two different breeds of dog — that’s why it’s a very strange way to describe yourself, as Obama did. You know, let me say that. Let me come up with that description on my own, and see what happens. Let me say it not quoting Obama, and let’s see what happens.”

“You want to know what ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ is? This is it in Arizona — it’s not in the military. It’s now legal to be illegal in Arizona.”

“Barney Frank is loco weeds. He made a scene over a one-dollar senior citizen discount, but he won’t apologize for costing taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars by refusing for years to reform Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.”

“These judges at the US Supreme Court… can somebody tell me how they differ from the mullahs in Iran issuing fatwas? How, exactly, with a 5-4 ruling on a constitutional amendment?”

“The putrid Michael Grunwald of TIME magazine referred to me as ‘the obnoxious anti-environmentalist Rush Limbaugh’. Now, why am I obnoxious? Because I’m right! Simple as pie.”

“God bless Governor Brewer. She’s showing a resolve, a courage, and a toughness that’s not found very often in too many places in American politics.”

“Do you watch The Tonight Show? Well, Leno has this bit where he goes out on the street and he finds so-called average, ordinary Americans, and he says, ‘What is two plus two?’ ‘I don’t know, ten?’ ‘Who was George Washington?’ ‘I don’t know, my pimp?’ These people don’t know anything, and that’s how I see Joe Bite Me.”

“Do you realize the only reliable reporter in the media today is me?”

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“Obama keeps a list of goals in his pocket, but the trouble for him is that the voters are keeping a list, too, and they’ll start settling up in November.”

“Carl Paladino knows going into this that he’s the big-time underdog, so he’s simply not going to run plunge play after plunge play up the middle — he’s throwing the bomb every day.”

“I’ve never met Carl Paladino, but I do know that Andrew Cuomo is hip deep in the subprime mortgage crisis, and I know that a lot of people are fully aware that the subprime mortgage fiasco is the primary reason why we’re in this economic mess that we’re in.”

“The subprime mortgage mess, when explained to people, is easy to understand: ‘You’re going to loan money to people who can’t pay it back and then call it affordable housing?'”

“The economy is south, there aren’t any jobs, Obama has destroyed us, and we’re supposed to think bad things about Carl Paladino and Meg Whitman. Well, no longer, folks. It’s not going to work that way anymore.”

“The American people do not want a president who happily presides over a nation in decline. If the regime’s going to ask people to sacrifice, there better be a good reason for it.”

“The Democrats are in trouble because of what they are doing, because of what they have done, and because of what people now know they want to do more of — it’s that simple.”

“I believe that Obama thinks that everybody hates America as much he does. I mean, when you have a personality as narcissistic as Obama, you live in a dream world.”

“Obama’s not looking to be loved — not by us. He’s looking to be respected bypeople like Castro, Hugo Chavez, Hollywood actors and producers, and the Oprah Winfreys of the world, and he’s got that.”

“Hey, Indian Bob, do you have a town named after you in Oklahoma? Cause I do! Limbach, in Germany!”

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“Unemployment numbers are a lot like losing your hair: Eventually you’re gonna run outta hair to lose.”

“And another thing: I would love to be treated, just once, like Chris Dodd — a friend of Angelo who gets a reduction on his mortgage. People see me coming, and they double the price of everything because they think I can afford it.”

“So here we have Pelosi with this big for-show-only vote today on extending the Bush tax rates for the middle class. Now, I would describe this as bipolar partisan. I mean, she’s nuts.”

“I don’t know how to describe the people running this country anymore. I mean, they’re Marxist, yeah, socialist, yeah, leftists, yeah… but they’re also just plain stupid.”

“I’m not prepared as an American to accept the new norm of 10% unemployment and say that anything beyond that is an improvement. You know, that’s not the country I’ve known.”

“This economy is going to rebound despite Obama, and when it does, it’s going to be a testament to the power of American capitalism.”

“The New York Post: ‘Parker Spitzer cohost Kathleen Parker is so fed up with playing second fiddle to the hooker-loving ex-governor that she’s threatening to walk.’ Hey, Kathleen, even his wife didn’t do that!”

“Liberalism cannot be supported intellectually, and when you hit liberals with any kind of intellectual argument based on what they think and say, they crumple like a cheap suit.”

“You know what? We here at the EIB Network, knock on granite, haven’t had any problem making payroll, but if we did, the last thing I would ever think of is going to the Federal Reserve for help.”

“Keynesians forget that consumerism is based on real things; people don’t just spend for the hell of it. Well, some women do.”

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