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“Liberals just keep going, folks — they’re Energizer bunnies. And right now we just have to stand athwart history and shout, ‘Stop!'”

“As an Operation Chaos operative, don’t bathe. Don’t shave. In other words, no grooming. Go out and get a pair of beat-up jeans, maybe some Birkenstocks. Tell them you don’t really know what Obama thinks about immigration, but you love it when he talks.”

“ABC did an investigation, and they found that the Clintons have earned more than $50 million since leaving the White House. It’s a great country, folks. If the Clintons can do it, you can do it.”

“Jane Fonda might have used the same anti-aircraft gun that they used to shoot down McCain, and now she’s endorsing Obama? Oh, no, this is the worst thing that could happen to him! There go the crossover votes!”

“Ladies, you can stop this: You can stop this tide of men moving over to Obama. That’s all I’m going to say. You know what I’m saying, but I’m not going to say it, but you know what I’m saying.”

“I’m going to this party tomorrow night; it’s a sixties jukebox party. I sent the host a note: ‘What are the ladies wearing?’ He said: ‘Dress cool. Skirt will be fine, and, of course, a top.’ I said: ‘Damn.'”

“Bill Richardson is still healthy. I saw him yesterday — he’s still walking around, and it’s been over a week since he endorsed Obama. So what’s happened to the Clinton enforcers?”

“The Associated Press today: ‘A young Barack Obama, searching for answers, perhaps a place to belong,decided to visit a fast-growing church recommended by friends. What he heard left him in tears.’ Oh, ho-ho no! Poor baby!”

“No one has a pleasant first experience with nicotine. You ever seen some kid take his first drag off a cigarette? ‘Hack, hack, hack!’ I can see that Dawn doesn’t think I know what I’m talking about.”

“Algore announced on 60 Minutes his $300 million initiative to really get people to believe what’s going on with global warming. What, the movie didn’t work, Al?”

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“If we don’t stop this — be it health care, cap and trade, whatever — it’s not going to be the United States of America you and I were born in.”

“So if you’re earning anything over a million dollars in New York City, you’re getting close to a 60% tax rate. You know, there reaches a tipping point where people say, ‘What’s the point of working?'”

“They filed another ethics complaint against Sarah Palin in Alaska. They are trying to destroy her. The liberals, the left, the Drive-By Media — they are telling us who our nominee should be; they are telling us who they are most afraid of.”

“This is it. If the Republican Party cannot stand up unified and oppose this health care stuff on the simple basisthat it will kill the economy, then they may as well find another reason to exist.”

“You see, I am right so often that when I make a mistake, it is glaring, and people just love to run in and correct me.”

“So they recount the votes in Iran, and Ahmadinejad gets more votes than he had in the original vote — just like in this country! Franken’s 250 votes short, and by the timethey’re finished, he’s 250 votes long. It’s amazing. It’s a great country.”

“The left looks at abortion as a population control measure, but what population, exactly? And who gets to decide that? Who gets to decide which population we want less of? Well, the liberals do.”

“So this Blue Dog Democrat says that his committee has the votes to block Obama’s health plan. Yeah, well, he might think so, but he hasn’t gotten a phone call from Rahm Emanuel yet.”

“The Republican Party needs to put aside these little petty arguments over how they’re going to get this or that group to vote for them, and stand up for America. Standing up for the institutions and traditions that made and define our greatness is where electability resides.”

“Of course I’ve seen a girl throw. The last one was Obama the other night.”

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“For the Democrats, big government sometimes makes mistakes. The private sector, though, commits crimes.”

“The Democrat Party from Obama on down is literally a bunch of thugs now. The United States government may as well be a branch of organized crime the way that it is being conducted and the way it’s doing business –and the way it’s looking out for itself and no one else.”

“Hank Haney, Tiger’s former coach, is taking me on as his third pupil to try to turn meinto somebodywho can play the game. First it was Charles Barkley, then it was Ray Romano, now it’s me.”

“How many gallons of oil are going to be removed from the Gulf by this $15 million commission? The answer is none.I do not know how to describe this anymore. This is pure, abject lawlessness. This is not constitutional what is happening here.”

“The problem here isthe one-party rule.The Democrats are not going to investigate the administration.This is another reason why these elections in November are so crucial.Then, even after the Republicans win, they’re going to have to have the gumption and the courage to go ahead and start investigating some of these things and they’re going to have to be fearless about it.”

“You’d probably have to show Henry Waxman a picture of an oil rig to have him understand what one is, and yet here he is, trying to act like the expert in all of this.”

“When I was a kid you didn’t have to buy Playboy, you could get National Geographic. And you were being cultured when you opened the pages of National Geographic. It’s no different than what you saw in Playboy. Well, slightly different, but when you boil it all down to the essence, there wasn’t much difference.”

“I think one of the reasons Obama delayed the request from Bobby Jindal is because he’s a Republican, and they needed this disaster.”

“We live in an era where the Democrat Party is actually trying to convince people that BP wanted this to happen, that oil companies in general hate the earth, hate the climate, and hate people and they hate animals, otherwise they wouldn’t be in the business.To them,oil is nothing more than a giant poison and anybody involved in it needs to be in jail.”

“Everything this administration has touched has gone to excrement.”

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“The media is so excited about the stabbing of the Muslim cabdriver in New York. They think they’ve got their new Oklahoma City here.”

“Snerdley asks, why does everybody — except me — who speaks the truth have to end up apologizing? Because the truth is politically incorrect. You know what a political gaffe is? When somebody says the truth.”

“Imagine being in the middle of a vacation with your wife and kids, eating shrimp, buying shrimp, eating fried food, playing golf, and you have to take a conference call on the economy? There’s nothing fair in life, folks! Not a single thing!”

“My brother’s book is the one to prepare you with knowledge to be able to answer any question from, you know, idiots, dorks, and nerds that you may run into.”

“Obama is in the office late; he doesn’t spend a lot of time in there. I don’t think it’s laziness — I think it is arrogance. I think Obama thinks of himself as above the job.”

“I say what I mean, I mean what I say, and I love hearing myself say it. It’s just like how George Brett once told me he loved hitting home runs… I can understand that.”

“It used to be the journalist would tell you, ‘Hi, I’m from ABC News and I’m out to screw.’ Now they just show up looking like you.”

“Chris Matthews, why in the world are you thinking about a guy sitting at a cafe in Cairo? The guy sitting at a cafe in Cairo is thinking about how to get out alive, he’s notthinking about how to get into Michigan State!”

“You gotta say one thing for Geraldo: forty years and that jaw line has remained intact. I mean, that makes me jealous.”

“Damn right, I play golf every day. Damn straight, Snerdley! What? Yeah, I live on the beach, so why would I go to the beach?”

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