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“If you have to have your mom go out and do a TV ad for you to basically say that you’re nice, you have problems.”

“Hell, folks, I’m going to go so far out on a limb and tell you that nighttime cable television shows are just talk radio on TV. And who do you think was the inspiration for trying that format on television? Wasn’t Jon Stewart!”

“Harry Reid said, ‘I can’t run Ms. Pelosi. She runs that place with an iron hand.’ This is juicy, folks! I must admit that I love it.”

“The attacks, by the way, on Obama have come from liberals. So Obama is the first top-tier black candidate for president, and it is liberals trying to destroy this guy.”

“Let me ask you this: is wearing contact lenses ‘cheating’ in sports if your vision is not what it should be? How about working out, period? You go back to the Babe Ruth days, and the workout took place in the bar.”

“Speaking of boobs, are actresses who go out and get breast implants cheating? It is the entertainment business, after all. Well, just asking.”

“Have you ever wondered why pregnant women don’t fall over? I haven’t, either. And yet we have a story here from NewScientist.com to explain it to us.”

“Look: The Oprah is doing exactly what The Oprah is going to do. She’s picked Obama, but she has to cover her bets in case he doesn’t win — because you don’t want Don Vito Clintonleone and his wife as your enemy.”

“It’s no different than the sun coming up every morning: the Clintons are going to have fundraising irregularities.”

“We had a schoolmarm up there at the debateyesterday. Dawn, did you see her? I mean, ‘a schoolmarm’, frankly, is being kind — she ran that thing like she was running a prison camp, for crying out loud!”

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“It’s worse than I thought. There are moderate Republicans who want nothing to do with a conservative who can fire up people.”

“Remember the great ads the North Carolina Republican Party ran that McCain denounced? Now, where is Senator McCain today when members of his own staff are trying to destroy Sarah Palin? I haven’t heard a word.”

“Vladimir Putin wants to return as the president of Russia. Now, let me give you this in a football analogy: Putin returning to power is like a successful head coach coming out of retirement after learning that the schedule for the next four years will be a cakewalk.”

“Why destroy Sarah Palin right now? The only reason I see is to make sure she doesn’t rise again as a force for conservatism in the Republican Party.”

“I actually think the Obama campaign likes this economic chaos, just as they did during the campaign, because the more economic chaos there is, the greater opportunity for expanded government.”

“John McCain’s campaign staff has now spent more time attacking Sarah Palin than they spent combined on Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, Bernardine Dohrn, Rashid Khalidi, Frank Marshall Davis, and Obama himself. This party must be suicidal.”

“I myself said as much on previous occasions in this program: What are you guys, like McCain, doing messing around, trying to screw up our party? Just join the people that you have all this love for — the Democrats! You like ’em, go join ’em!”

“You people who voted for Obama are going to have to learn how to resist this kind of charismatic demagoguery in the future.”

“Look at what Palin did. She’s minding her own business up there in Alaska, they call her up because they need a hail Mary, so she drags herself and her entire family all over the fruited plain without missing a beat. She was unfailingly cheerful. She was a spot of sunshine in an abysmal election year. And now McCain’s camp is trashing her.”

“Implosions can lead to bigger reconstructions. That’s what we face now, and the country can’t do without a Republican Party.”

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“The president says his health care proposal isn’t about him. Well, it is about me, and you, and tens of millions of people like you. It’s personal.”

“I did an interview this morning with Greta Van Susteren. It’s going to air in two parts, tonight and tomorrow, and I understand they’re already promoting as ‘Rush unleashed.’ Of course, when am I ever leashed?”

“Obama called the Cambridge police stupid! Now, Cambridge is a bunch of liberals: liberal mayors, liberal professors, liberal college, liberal cops… How can there be such racism in such an idyllic, quaint liberal setting?”

“I think Obama needs to come up with his own version of the CBO — a White House agency that will analyze congressional budgets and legislation and produce the results that he wants, and I have the name for this new agency: the Office of Imaginary Information.”

“Now, Obama knows that he cannot amend the Constitution to come up with ten new amendments that allow him to do things for us. But there is a way to get around all that, and it’s really simple (compared to amending the Constitution): take over one-sixth of the US economy — the entire health care business.”

“Obama last night was trying to gin up hatred for doctors. He was essentially calling them criminals, performing unnecessary organ removals for profit. I found it beneath contempt. I found it outrageous. It was not presidential.”

“AP headline: ‘Obama’s Health Care Claims Adrift’. That’s just a polite way of saying, ‘He’s lying.’ How long do you think it took the AP-Obama headline writer to come up with that one?”

“For 50 years, the concept that health care should be free has been growing and growing and growing, and don’t forget, folks, that every day we are bombarded with something new that’s going to kill us, from global warming to sharks to scorpions that end up being stowaways on airplanes.”

“Mr. President, you are not a victim. You are, in fact, the president of the United States. You went to private school. You went to Ivy League schools. You are a millionaire. You have a charmed life. Congratulations. You’re living the American dream. Stop pretending otherwise.”

“Whatever the sterling qualities of journalism are, journalists today have abandoned them in exchange for being stenographers for Rahm Emanuel.”

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“I wouldn’t want to drive through Pima County with a ‘Rush is Right’ bumper sticker right now.”

“You know, I have friends here who left the golf course at 11:30 in the morning to go hear Thomas L. Friedman speak. I would love to publicly humiliate them by mentioning their names, but I won’t.”

“Nicole Kidman is not a target, and I wasn’t ‘blasting’ her. I’ve just never heard of the term ‘gestational carrier’. Speaking of which, how do you say ‘gestational carrier’ in Chinese?”

“In fact, Congressman Cohen, the American people have resisted the Democrat Party propaganda on Obamacare and have seen the truth. They have read it. They didn’t wait for the bill to be passed to find out what was in it.”

“We do know that Hillary did not wear her Mao jacket last night, and that’s a staple of her wardrobe. Come to think of it, Bill didn’t wear his, either.”

“‘Rush, do you really mean this?’ Yes, I do. I’m doubling down on it. The KKK was the terrorist arm of the Democrat Party back in its day. Somebody want to tryand tell me that Robert Byrd was a Republican?”

“If Republicans are going to sit by and watch Palin get savaged, then they’d better be prepared to sit by and watch the next one get savaged and the next one, because that’s what’s coming.”

“The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize winner hosted a state dinner last night for Hu Jintao. Meanwhile, Hu Jintao is holding the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize winner in prison in China.”

“Maybe what we ought to do is take a page from the ChiComs and their wonderful health care system and give the patient an aspirin. And then when we run out of aspirin, shoot the patient in the head and then harvest his organs for transplants. Solvy solvy.”

“Look, I am happy to promote, publicize, and amplify the stupidity and idiocy on the left. Seriously, I’m happy to do it.”

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