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“The US military is what’s prevented another attack on this country since 9/11. And they don’t deal in indictments, Senator Obama.”

“Members of the military have to put up with people in your party accusing them of rape and murder, and yet they still do the job and make it safe for your skinny little rear end to utter all these inane stupidities while people say you’re the messiah, Senator Obama. You owe them a debt of thanks, sir.”

“Tailgaters: you know who these people are — you can see them coming up behind you, trying to give your car an enema with their car.”

“When are we going to stand up and say, ‘Enough’? Do not the polar bears annoy us? Do not the spotted owl populations annoy us?”

“Is it Stockholm syndrome where after awhile you start to bond with your captor? That’s sort of how I felt today when McCain did this flip-flop on oil: ‘Oh, man, my captor is all of a sudden doing something I want to do to make me happy! Gee whiz, this is cool!'”

“The whole damn Democrat Party and leftist movement is a bunch of Neville Chamberlains, and that’s what Obama is, too.”

“When I look at Iowa and Illinois, I see the backbone of America. I see people who are doing with the best with what they have to straighten this situation out. I don’t see and hear a bunch of caterwauling about FEMA and Bush.”

“Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is so short his feet don’t hit the floor when he sits in a standard chair. And I’ve heard he only takes a shower once a week, if that.”

“Senator Obama, since 9/11 we have not had a single attack on the soil of the United States. What’s different? We’ve not been using the court system, Senator. We have been in the belly of the beast; we took the fight to them. And you know what? We’re wiping them out.”

“I’m a naturally funny guy.”

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