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“All of these guys in Hillary’s inner orbit would be in Revenge of the Nerds 10 — and that’s even being charitable towards them.”

“So here’s Michelle Obama saying, ‘If we’re going to get universal health care and a revamped education system, somebody’s going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that somebody else can have more.’ And who’s going to be in charge of that, Michelle?”

“From the BBC: ‘Italian opposition leader Silvio Berlusconi has claimed that right-wing female politicians are better looking than their left-wing counterparts.’ Who can argue with this?”

“If the Obama campaign ‘needs more white people,’ they should just ask Reverend Wright to go through his new neighborhood in Chicago in Tinley Park and say: ‘Hey, I got a bus coming through here that will take you to an Obama rally.'”

“What are you smiling at, Snerdley? Oh, Snerdley’s just loving that first hour. He thought the first hour was smoking. And it was.”

“If you are in the millionaire bracket — and many of you may not be, but you might want to be — how can you offset your coming tax increase? Easy. The Rinnai Tankless Water Heater. It’s cheap to operate!”

“It was rather obvious yesterday at the Petraeus hearings that Petraeus was being bullied by a bunch of zit-faced, self-absorbed, yapping teenagers in the sandbox. And, of course, Petraeus is just so far above that.”

“If you can separate yourself for a moment from the dire consequences of these little nerds — these liberals — ever coming to power anywhere, you can laugh at their absolute shallowness and lack of curiosity. They’re Stepford people!”

“You should know that Jimmy Carter has come out and said we need to start talking to Hamas. I can’t explain Jimmy Carter. I don’t know what’s happened to his mind. Actually, I don’t know if he ever had one.”

“My success doesn’t depend on who wins elections. I’m not trying to engineer any victory here for any reason other than forthe future of the country.”

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“Nobody caused Republicans to stay home this election — except the Republican Party.”

“We are now paying for other people’s dinners with this credit card bailout. This has an upside, however. When you pay for other people’s dinners and get nothing for it, there is a teaching moment: women can finally learn how men feel on dates.”

“AP poll: ‘The public seems willing to wait on tax cuts.’ Ha, ha! Isn’t this a convenient poll! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, people want the tax cuts, but they may be willing to wait while President-Elect Obama takes on the larger issue of fixing the economy! This is absolute bull-bleep!”

“Ultimately, I’m a great guy. I help all these liberals straighten their businesses out.”

“I’ve not said the sky is falling. In fact, the sky is blue, the birds are chirping a little brighter, people are nicer even when they beg for money… There’s a great national mood out there.”

“The people who accept the responsibilities of life in this country will continue to be the oneswho make the country work, and their inspiration, by the way, will be forthcoming from this hallowed microphone each and every day.”

“I don’t care if you’re brown, black, green, or from Mars; the one thing that every American believes in and will fight for is freedom. And when that freedom is under assault, particularly by a government, Americans will rally.”

“Conservatives don’t Balkanize themselves, they just live their lives. Liberals are the ones that organize in little communes and cliques and so forth and only want to hang around with each other.”

“At the bottom of his mind, Obama knows that he got this election by fooling people. He knows that he was not honest with the people about what he wants to do, and he knows he had help from the media camouflaging his proposals and ideas.”

“Everybody is comparing the party plunge this year to what happened after Watergate. Well, the lesson of Watergate is, ‘You can come back.'”

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“I didn’t say what I said for the benefit of a party. I said what I said because I love America and our people, and I want everyone to succeed.”

“A football team cannot raise your taxes, a football teamcannot take away your freedom, and a football team cannot tell you what kind of car to drive. I mean, they can rape you financially with ticket prices, but that’s up to you if you want to pay it.”

“Did you hear the president’s press conference today? Sorry — he doesn’t do press conferences; excuse me. President Obama does teleprompter conferences.”

“I am not burdened with the hope of expectations that those in the media and the Democrat Party are all of a sudden going to love me, and as such, I’m never disappointed.”

“For you new listeners, especially you gentlemen, that was Hillary Clinton, and doesn’t she remind you of both of your ex-wives? I mean, that will send you down to Archie Bunker’s bar faster than anything in the country.”

“Timothy Geithner said, ‘Capitalism will be different.’ When capitalism is different, it isn’t capitalism! This is what they’re aiming for! It must be defeated! It must be stopped!”

“Fifty-three percent of the American people say it is likely we will enter a depression similar to the thirties. You know what that means? That means President Obama has failed to bring hope to Americans!”

“The one thing I know is that every effort during the past 20 years to divide me from you — my audience — has only strengthened the bond. And that, above all else, means the most to me.”

“When’s Obama going to realize that he’s choking off an economic recovery by raising taxes? People need to come to grips with the fact that long before Barack Obama announced his run for the presidency, he had formulated plans to do exactly what the hell he is doing right now.”

“How many books did Nancy Pelosi sell? She sold fewer books than David Frum — and you have to work hard to sell that few books!”

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“This administration has been one part joke, one part unbelievable and many parts scary.”

“This guy, Obama, is very cold, folks. He is a 100% pure leftist extremist political animal, and I just have a difficult time putting up with him lecturing us on matters he identifies as requiring the pushing of a morality reset button with him as the chief protocol director of morality.”

“I’m hearing a lot of people say today, ‘Obama must be buckling to pressure from his left wing base on these potential CIA prosecutions.’ He’s not buckling to anything but his own desires.”

“What incredible arrogance to believe that we limited human beings can destroy that which we cannot even begin to understand — much less create on our own — and that is earth and all of its glories.”

“By the way, the Unabomber was an environmentalist. So was the Son of Sam. So is the most recently added name to the FBI’s top ten most wanted list.”

“What am I going to do for Earth Day? I’m going to have every one of my cars driven as much as possible today, and I have my airplane flying to Los Angeles and back. I’m personally going to see to it that we lose two acres of rain forest.”

“Why is it so hard for people to understand Obama? Obama is who he is. We have years and years and years of Obama case history. Plus, we know who liberals are and what they believe.”

“When you interact with average, ordinary, everyday liberals or Democrats, it’s hard not to think, ‘My God, the country is finished.'”

“Barack Obama should be the last person to lecture anybody about standing atop a rock of morality. His foundation is leftist. He identifies with anti-American politics. He yucks it up with people who hate our country. He supports infanticide. He attended a racist, bigoted church for 20 years.”

“How oil gets to us from deep inside the womb of Mother Earth is a testament to man’s ingenuity.”

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“They say Obama prays privately. I have no doubt about it! But does he pray to himself?”

“So here we have John Kerry suggesting to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, ‘Hey, look, pal, we’ll let you stay in power. And in exchange for us being nice, you stop your nuclear program.’ If I were Ahmadinejad, I’d say, ‘Okay, I’d say that’s a deal we can accept, Senator Kerry!'”

“Colin Powell’s just mad at me because I’m the one person in the countrywho had the guts to explain his endorsement of Obama: it was purely and solely based on race. There can be no other explanation for it.”

“What Obama should have done is announce a cut in the corporate tax rate and a suspension of the capital gains rate. This would have incentivized all kinds of investment and purchase of stock, but that’s not his objective. His objective is to control as much of business as possible.”

“What I don’t think the Republican Party ought to do is have a big tent for the sake of it. What good is a big tent if 30% of the party is going to be no different than the Democrats? Inclusive is one thing, but compromising core beliefs to be inclusive is quite another.”

“Obama loves a crisis because, when people are focused on a crisis he has juggling in his right hand, they forget what he’s doing with the left hand.”

“What Chris Matthews refers to as stupidity is a character trait I think he ought to try to get back, and that’s a little humility in the face of things much larger or complex than he can ever understand.”

“Why do people want to keep inner cities in the blight circumstances that they’re in? Well, guess what happens to communities like that? People who can move out, do. And then what are you left with? A solid Democrat voter base.”

“How in the world have we gotten to the point where a program that does not only a great job of educating black children, but a better job of educating black children with less money than the public schools do, is considered ‘controversial’? How in the hell have we gotten there?”

“This is standard operating procedure for the left: Don’t debate your opponents, destroy them.”

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“A great economic stimulus idea: Dick Cheney on Dancing With the Stars. Think of all the liberals who would take out guns and destroy their TVs and then have to replace them.”

“Headline: ‘Rahm: I Never Believed in Bipartisanship.’ So for all of you squishy- mishy mouthy centrist Republicans… Learn it, love it, live it. They had no desire to work with you.”

“I’m trying to figure out, ladies and gentlemen, why ‘Sergeant Schultz’ would be insulting, and the only thing I can come up with is that on Hogan’s Heroes, Sergeant Schultz secretly liked America — that may be something an American leftist would not like.”

“We do profile at airports. Yes, we do: eighty-year-old women, nuns, and priests. Damn right we profile! You can’t tell me we don’t!”

“Do Lisa Murkowski and Pelosi go to the same Botox guy? Maybe they share needles. I mean, there has to be some explanation for this.”

“Snerdley wanted to know if passengers on EIB 1 are subjected to TSA-like pat-downs. No. We practice it selectively, and they’re opposite gender pat-downs.”

“I have some e-mails: ‘Rush, why are you in such a good mood today?’ Because the left is miserable today, that’s why. ‘Rush, do you take happiness when other people are miserable?’ Damn right I do when it’s these people!”

“So the Democrats just reelected Pelosi as their leader. It’s like Stalin said: ‘We may have fewer communists, but they’re pure.'”

“I know we have a lot of people on our side who are imbued with the personality characteristic of wanting to assign to people the best of intentions, but these are liberals, for crying out loud. The Democrat Party is a criminal enterprise disguised as a political party.”

“I will not be here Thursday and Friday. Mark Steyn will be here, but don’t sweat it: I’m leaving him with plenty of football and golf stories to talk to you about.”

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