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“This Egypt response is not presidential. It is not mature, it is not intelligent, and it is not reasonable. It is fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants.”

“Just to illustrate how things have changed here, back in the thirties and fifties a guy running for mayor named Harry Baals could get elected four times. Now they won’t even name a building after the poor guy.”

“I have to go call Jesse Jackson, except I can’t get a hold of him because he’s in Jerry Jones’ suite in Dallas, wishing that it was Cameron Diaz feeding him popcorn instead of A-Rod.”

“Story: ‘Drivers of electric vehicles in Washington state won’t be paying gasoline taxes, so the state wants some of the lost money back by means of an annual $100 fee.’ Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah! Told you!”

“The purpose of school now days is to get your kids three square meals a day paid for by your neighbors, and to get the kids out of the house so you can run around and do whatever you want to do.”

“People say, ‘Rush, there’s nothing going on here, the Muslim Brotherhood is only 30% of the population.’ Well, here in our own country liberals are only 30% of the population, and look at the damage they cause every day.”

“If a polar bear comes up to you, don’t hug it — you’re going to die. A polar bear is nothing to mess with.”

“Anderson Cooper, if you’re going to go out there and check lies, I have a minefield you can start exploring in Washington, DC, and you don’t have to go over to Egypt and get beat upside the head to find them.”

“Obama was sold to us as an expert who knew best how to handle the Middle East, especially compared to those idiots, George W. Bush and Darth Cheney. Of course, it seems as though we’re in a bigger mess with a more confused message now than anyone can remember.”

“I tweak the State-Controlled Media at least ten times a show while laughing all the way to everywhere at the same time.”

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