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“We’d love to have somebody articulating our conservative values to the American people in this race. It’s not going to happen. We have to face it.”

“Ross McGinnis’ mom and dad and Ross McGinnis… Those are the people who make the country work; the genuine heroes. They’re just salt-of-the-earth people, the backbone of America, who raised a son who wanted to save and defend his country — and he did.”

“Right now, as conservatives, we are not going to have an inspirational leader articulating our values and inspiring the American people. Therefore, we are going to have to inspire ourselves — just like we did through the Clinton years.”

“These are the Clintons; they are never going away, folks! No matter what happens, they aren’t going away.”

“I have never had to censor myself on this program. I have never had to hit the bleep button because of anything I have said in almost 20 years of broadcast excellence. But I am so damn close to it right now! You’ve been warned.”

“‘The way to handle a woman is to love her, simply love her, merely love her, love her, love her.’ Obama, there’s your ticket, pal: Just love her.”

“Obama, what are your accomplishments? Community organizing? Whoop-de-doo. Harvard Law Review? Whoop-de-do. Running around with terrorists? Whoop-de-do.”

“If you let your contentment be permanently affected by whoever is in Washington, then you are sacrificing so much of your own potential as a human being, as a family member, and as an American as well.”

“We have the most left-leaning liberal/socialist candidate the Democrats have ever nominated — a guy who barely crawled across the finish line to secure the nomination — and he’s being touted as this landslide guy who has overwhelmingly rocked the country. It’s all Drive-By Media BS!”

“I looked right into her eyes and said, ‘I’m sorry Punky, but I can’t feed you.’ She didn’t know what I was saying, though; she’s a cat.”

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“There is no Shining City on a Hill without oil, gas, and coal. Democrats have hit the dimmer. They’re trying to turn out the lights on that city.”

“There is a massive ego behind Obama. All of these pictures with him in light that looks like a halo is not by accident. When this guy says that he will see to it that rising seas begin to recede… I think half of him believes that he has mystical powers.”

“Obama screwed up, ladies and gentlemen, one of the most basic rules: Thou shalt not create a lottery. Isn’t state regulation a b-i-itch, folks? It gets in the way of everybody, even messiahs!”

“I think it’s sort of a shame. Here we are on the verge of amazing success in the surge in Iraq, and you don’t hear anybody on the left say, ‘Job well done.'”

“Barack, you say the Iranians ‘don’t stand a chance’, right? Well, that’s what they said about the Germans back in the late thirties — they don’t stand a chance, just a dinky little country. And how about 19 terrorists on an airplane, Barack?”

“If Republicans cannot win with these gas prices while the Democrats have an inexperienced, arrogant, condescending, moron elitist running for president, then they are the latter half of dumb and dumber.”

“There are a number of languages our kids should learn first, and then we can move on to Espanol, and then on to Francais, and then after that, we’ll all try to learn to speak Female.”

“Ahmadinejad is just saying, ‘Hey, I’m not a midget here. When I unzip, I’m plenty powerful.’ That’s about the closest I can come to explaining how we men describe what this is.”

“I told you Obama’s an appeaser. To him, this is our fault. Iran wants these missiles because of our ‘over-the-top rhetoric’, because we’re just being too big a bully. I am so sick and tired of people inhis partyblaming this country for the rogue behavior of tyrants and dictators!”

“You’re going to get taxed every time you raise the toilet stool before it’s all said and done.”

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“The Clintons are a mob and so is Obama. Nobody comes out of Chicago politics as what Obama is trying to portray himself to be.”

“You know, sometimes at these conventions they have surprise phone calls come through on a big video screen. I’m still waiting for the surprise phone call from John Edwards endorsing Obama from the bathroom of a hotel.”

“The best speech of the convention so far has been that wacko governor from Montana with the string tie. That tells you how absurd this bunch is.”

“A friend of mine who is Jewishinformed me of some things I didn’t know, like Jewish people do not like fiery, charismatic speakers speaking before tens of thousands at night with lights shining on them — reminds people of something.”

“After Clinton’s speech tonight comes Biden. You better be prepared to stay up late because when Biden starts, you don’t know when he’s going to finish. They might have to grab the hook.”

“By the way, all of the general public is going to be up inthe nosebleed seats for Obama’s speech; his delegates and the high rollers are going to be the ones closest to him. No archangels yet — we don’t know what’s going to come out of the sky.”

“I always oppose conventional wisdom on principle because conventional wisdom is nothing more than a bunch of people conforming. Who needs that?”

“The McCain campaign — I have to give them this — are coming back fast and furious with some great ads with lots of humor. It’s almost like I were putting the ads together myself.”

“I know that Obama’s stage is a Greek temple, but it will, to a lot of people, also look like a Roman temple. Could it be that tomorrow night, on Barack Obama’s Greek temple, somebody named Clinton will succeed in stabbing The Messiah in the back?”

“Nancy Pelosi wouldn’t know a gasoline pump if she saw one — unless it was parked next to an abortion doctor’s office.”

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“Why do liberals hate capitalism? Because they don’t control it.”

“The economy is a sitting duck issue for McCain and Palin to blame the Democrats. You know, we can back them up on this, but they’re going to have to do it themselves. The campaign is going to have to start firing something other than blanks and stop worrying about offending Democrats.”

“I thought Obama was about the future, but when you go out and grab Barbra Streisand as your headliner… I mean, people’s memories of Barbra Streisand are at the White House when Hillary was away.”

“So Obama has himself up there on a pedestal, and you ‘bitter clingers’ down there. You just don’t understand brilliance in dictators when you see it.”

“This Obama ad… I have watched it, I have previewed it, and it is boring. If I were to play this without start-stop commentary, you would tune out. Well, no, you never do that; I own you.”

“Being informed and using your brain is a tough thing to do; a lot of people don’t like to do it — except when they’re, you know, watching Captain Planet.”

“Barack Obama is not just the most liberal senator in the country, Barack Obama is a committed socialist, trained by Marxists like Saul Alinsky, who bows at the feet of Jeremiah Wright.”

“The biggest challenge — and I mean this from the bottom of my sizeable beating heart — we Americans will face domestically will be if this guy, Obama, gets elected. It will be a battle to hold on to our freedom versus a bunch of people who want to socialize this country.”

“Your ideas are outworn, Obama. Ours aren’t. Ours are built on the foundation of individual freedom and liberty, and guess what? Individual liberty and freedom never go out of style, Senator Obama.”

“Did you get a stimulus check, Brian? You didn’t? None of my employees did; I pay them too well.”

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