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“I think Senator McCain will, in an act of gentlemanliness and bipartisanship, offer that the Republican National Committee pay for Democrat re-dos in Michigan and Florida.”

“Mrs. Clinton’s odds of getting the nomination did not increase all that much last night. What we did, if we did anything, was exactly what I wanted to do: create a bunch of chaos in the Democrat Party. And it worked!”

“Remember what I told you, Mr. Snerdley: There are no rules in the Democrat Party, there are only customs and traditions. Don’t frown at me! Do you realize what a brilliant observation that is?”

“Mrs. Clinton is now talking about a joint ticket with herself on top. By the way, that’s her choice of words, not mine. Well, it’s the Clintons, Snerdley! What do you do expect?”

“The Democrats have been crapping on everything we hold dear and blaming us for not having any toilet paper.”

“If we lose in November, you can thank the Republican nominee himself. I have only helped prolong the Democrat blood-letting — which can only help McCain, any way you look at it. And I know I’m not going to get a thank-you call.”

“To paraphrase Rummy, remember: You don’t go to Denver with the delegates you want, you go to Denver with the delegates you have.”

“Wow. The Obama campaign is reaching out to an 81-year-old Ugandan who was watching the election results in Iowa. That’s how we define America’s greatness, ladies and gentlemen.”

“The View has the potential to do more damage to women than Oprah does. Good Lord, it’s insulting! There have to be executives at ABC that understand the literal ignorance that’s being broadcast on their network; I guess they know their audience.”

“Folks, as an individual or a nation, if you live your life to be liked by others, you’re dead, because then you’re letting them define who you are.”

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“You Operation Chaos volunteers, this is no time to go wobbly on me. We have North Carolina coming up, and Mrs. Clinton can win that.”

“If all we know right now about Obama was known before Super Tuesday — if we knew about Reverend Wright, if we knew about his elitist views regarding bitter, religion-clingers — do you think he’d be where he is right now? He would not.”

“We don’t burn our cars, we don’t burn down our houses, and we don’t kill our children. We don’t do half the things that the American left does.”

“One of the reasonswhy I’m having fun with Operation Chaos is because I just love tweaking the elites in the media. I love piercing their attitude of arrogance and condescension.”

“Not everybody in the audience is happy about Operation Chaos. Here’san e-mail froma subscriber at Rush 24/7. The subject line is: ‘You are a [butt] hole’ –only he didn’t say ‘butt.'”

“Twenty-eight percent of Republican voters in Pennsylvania last night did not vote for the Republican nominee. Does it mean anything? I don’t know. You be the judge.”

“Some of you in Operation Chaos have said that you feel dirty voting for Mrs. Clinton. I understand this. I want you to think about a hot shower. And I want you to think about a hot shower with a Rinnai Tankless Water Heater.”

“The Clintons are like the Soviets: You don’t have to win today, you just have to win.”

“You think my ego is out of control? Wait ’til you hear this! In due course, down the road long after we’re all gone, Operation Chaos is going to be written about in the history books. It will be.”

“I’m just an average, run-of-the-mill guy who has a chance here to have some fun on the radio. It’s no big deal.”

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“The debate for the presidency is now focused on tire gauges replacing the development of sources of energy. It’s breathtaking. I’m going nuts.”

“Which woman sounds more intelligent here? I mean, you gotta give it to Paris Hilton, don’t ya? Paris Hilton sounds a bit more cogent than Laura D’Andrea Tyson. Plus, Paris Hilton has the added benefit of being ‘hot’ — but that didn’t influence my vote.”

“If indeed Barack Obama becomes the 44th president of the United States, virtually every criticism mounted against him will be said to be rooted in racism — I guarantee you.”

“Mookie al-Sadr — you know what he’s going to do? His Mahdi Army is going to be restructured into a social services organization. Yes: the Mahdi Army is going to become a bunch of ‘community organizers’.”

“Ethanol is just moonshine. That’s all it is! It’s just high-octane corn liquor. Pretty soon you’re going to have to get your car sobriety tested if you get caught weaving along.”

“Anybody have any idea what tires are made of? Yes: petroleum! Tires are made as a derivative, in many instances, of oil. So somebody needs to tell this little messiah that in order to have tires to inflate, you have to drill for oil.”

“From the UK Telegraph: ‘Outbreaks of infestations at British hospitals have been observed. Hospitals are infested with rats, fleas, and bedbugs.’ But, hey — it’s free! The government is running it, so it’s all good, ’cause it’s free!”

“I’m the last person you want advice from on either marriage or relationships, because my advice is: ‘Don’t do it.’ But that’s just me.”

“Story: ‘Bill Clinton made a plea yesterday for a new emphasis on monogamy as a key element in the battle against AIDS.’ I’m not making this up! What you are so shocked about, Snerdley? All he means, here, is: ‘One chick at a time.’ That’s what monogamy is to Clinton.”

“Felicia, the Obama campaign is responsible for the alienation of your husband’s affections.”

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